That list wasn’t my top 5. That gets bad. Last boyfriend was negative and critical. My ex husband accused me of being negative and critical. That list Helped me to see if I was unfairly critical and negative regarding his lateness and money issues.
It is different from your ex wife’s list because my list was not being used to justify leaving a marriage or cheating on a spouse. He was using my complaints or my holding him accountable for the things on that list as a reason to leave the marriage. So he was mad at me for being mad at him and used it to justify not only leaving us, but his financial decisions that devastated us.
Not all LBS are good. And yes, we all have our flaws. I was certainly not perfect in my marriage or in my last relationship. And my flaws seem to change. I now have communication issues and I’m not sure I can love someone. That’s a big flaw for someone that wants to date me.
I know people all have flaws. I know people can pull that abuse card to justify a failed relationship when really, they wanted to bail out of a relationship that was not unicorns and rainbows because unicorns and rainbows don’t exist.
I think when are flaws are pointed out to us, all we can do is acknowledge them and work to change them. I made an effort to change my negativity and criticism - especially when it came to my son. I don’t know your entire list, but Based on your writings for the past few years, it seems like you addressed some of the top 5 valid issues on your wife’s list as well.
People aren’t good or bad - I put guys that cheated or guys that live far away from their kids in the bad category - or at least bad for me. Those are black and whites for me. I feel like all I really have to go on with a guy is how they handled the kid aspect. I went for my ex bf because he raised his child by himself. He had flaws that I just could not deal with. But to me, the fact that he did what was best for his kid put him in the “good “ category. The category that meant he was more trustworthy then others.
Our stories will all be from our perspectives. So we can’t count on that. But a dad or mom that did not do right by their kids is easy to spot.
