2much, I am glad that my email might help you in the future. Sinjin, it really means a lot to me that you are angry on my behalf, it amazes me how even though we are all strangers, we are able to give support to one another.
My h's indecisiveness is slowly driving me nuts. Believe me there have been many times when I want to kick his ass and make him face reality. But then I think about what I have learned here, and what my goals are, and somehow I find patience and keep on going.
My H's family (very small) all know about it. Actually I had to get his mom to shut up about it cause she was screaming at him every day (we live in the same house). It was getting to the point that H didn't want to come inside because of her. His brother also laid into him at a wedding. However this was not helping me, H just accused me of turning his family against him. I told him that he needs to talk to them and see that I am not saying anything to them, that they have eyes and brains. He did, and realized that I wasn't plotting behind his back or anything and apoligized to me. I haven't told anyone in my family, but that is because my family can be very judgemental, I don't want to air all of the reasons we got to this point to them, so I choose not to tell them anything. This is also in my best interest, because if H and I do work things out, I don't want there to be problems between my family and him.
He is extremely insecure and actually feels unworthy of love. It's cliche I know, but he had a lot of issues in his childhood that have made him feel this way, although he will deny it. I have read a lot about depression and understand the root causes of his attitude and see how he got to be this way, as well as how it contributed to the breakdown of our R.
Even if this affair crap is over, we will then have to deal with his depression. Nonetheless, it is not my problem to deal with, it is something that he has to face. I will support him anyway I can, if I am still around when it happens.
I know my posts are long and detailed, that's cause I need to get it out, it helps me organize my thoughts, I also tend to forget things that were said, and when they were said. So it helps to be able to go back and remember. It makes me feel a lot better to know that you guys actually take the time to read them and respond. I don't feel so alone in this disaster....
