Well this weekend was pretty good compared to the usual.

On Friday night, he said he wasn't going out since it was our son's b-day party the next afternoon and he didn't want to oversleep or be late. He suggested we have some wine, so I went and got a bottle and we drank it and watched the olympic ceremonies. It was nice. The next day we had the b-day party and we all had a good time. I caught H looking at me and smiling a few times.

That night we were driving home in separate cars. I called his cell and asked him if he was going out at night (with OW). He said he didn't know yet. I suggested we go for dinner at a restaurant. He said no at first said I should just pick up some take out and not worry about him. I was upset, but said okay. Then a few minutes later he called me back and asked if I still wanted to go. I said sure. I am not sure if he couldn't get a hold of OW, or if he told her that he couldn't meet her yet, but would meet her later.
We went to a nice restaurant in our neighbourhood and had seafood and wine. When we got home he told me that he was going to go out (It was 11pm) I said okay. He hugged me and said please don't be sad. I smiled and said it was hard not to be.

He left and came home early the next day. I was surprised, I thought he would have stayed with OW all afternoon since he didn't see her the day before at all. Anyways he told me about a co-workers b-day party and asked me if I wanted to go with him. While we were there OW kept calling his cell, I knew it was her cause I saw her name on the display. H seemed annoyed and didn't answer it. We had a fun time at the party.

Then in the evening we left to go to his brother's house. When we got there he told me that he would be back in a few minutes. He asked me for my lighter which meant he was going to have a cigarette. He usually only smokes when he is stressed out. I know he went to call OW since he took his cell with him. He came back about 20mins later and came over and hugged me. I asked him if he was okay, he shook his head no. I said what's wrong, he said he was mad. I said why? He said don't worry about it and just hugged me.

That night we went home and watched tv and also went through the bills we had to pay. H seemed depressed at the amount he owed and said he needed to get a part-time job. I wanted to tell him that if he stopped wasting money on OW, then he wouldn't need to. But I didn't say anything.

We also had the following conversation:

H: When are you going to get over me and move on?
Me: Do you really want me to move on?
H: I think you would be better off.
Me: You don't want to be with me anymore huh?
H: It's not a simple answer or a simple question.
(when this question came up before he used to answer
by saying 'no'.)
Me: You know that if we divorce your whole life will change.
H: Maybe it would be better if I move out.
Me: If you think that is what you need to do.
H: Do you want me to leave? I think me being here is making it harder for both of us. (he meant for us to get over each other)
Me: No, I don't want you to move out, but....
H: I don't want to leave either.
Me: But you are the one who wants to be separated.
H: I know.

We changed the subject for a while, then as we were getting ready for bed, H started another conversation.

H: When you said that my whole life would change, what did you mean? What will change?
Me: Well, I won't be here for you to hug anymore.
H: I won't like that. (whispers)
Me: We will have to sell the house, so you will have to move to an apartment.
H: I won't like that either. (whispers)
Me: I don't know what will happen with our son, we won't be a family anymore.
H: I don't want that to happen. Okay baby that's enough talking for now. Let's get some sleep.

He then snuggled up to me and we went to sleep.

I am going to come up with a list of specific things that will happen if we are divorced. The next time it comes up I will be ready to answer him. I think that he is finally thinking about the consequences. Also, I know he got into a fight with OW. It's been at least a month since I seen any evidence of then fighting. I wonder why now? Maybe because he hardly spent any time with her this weekend? I hope she is pressuring him. If he gets another job, he will have even less free time to spend with us or her. I hope it's her time that gets sacrificed as opposed to our family's time.