Thanks for your advice kjcrampton, I do not take offense at your suggestion. It is something that I question quite often. I know that right now he is cake-eating. But I also know that physical closeness is something that is very important to H, it is also one of the problems he stated we had. I feel comfortable ML with H, but on the occasion that I don't feel comfortable - I won't ML.
The argument I have to continue is that it keeps us closer together, he is lying to OW about it, it fulfils one of his emotional needs that he felt I didn't meet before. He honestly felt like I didn't find him attractive etc...

As for going out, I do go out and have fun with my friends, however I will never hint that I have met someone else or be TOO mysterious because this is another area that we had problems with - he has trust issues, (ironic I know). I know that he doesn't trust OW (I read it in the email). So I don't want him to think that I am cheating on him so to speak. I did tell him that if I happen to meet someone else, and I decide to see them, it will change the way I interact with H. Basically, I will consider our R over.

H does continually ask me the same questions, but he has always been that way. He has seems to need reassurance or he doesn't understand my reasoning/logic at first. He does however move on from those questions - very slowly though. If he does ask me questions that I know will lead to a fight, I do as kitkat suggested and tell him that we already discussed it.

What I am doing now seems to be working, but ever so slowly,
He is spending less time with OW, and WAY more time doing stuff with me. Lately he has been thinking of me when he is with her AND telling me about it. He is suggesting more things that we can do that involve the future. He has become less angry about our issues. He has told me that he didn't realize how much it would hurt him to be without me.
He is changing towards us because of the changes I have made to myself - WITHOUT one of us having to move out or stop physical contact. But I guess that I might need to do something more drastic if I want to get some more decisive results...

I know that this can't go on forever, he needs to make a decision. He is already starting to miss me a lot - and I am still here!! I know that if I leave might force him to decide, but I don't think he will choose me yet... he is still very nervous about trusting us - he is not sure that I won't hold this over his head forever, he is not sure that the changes I have made are real, he is not sure that he can be happy with me. HOWEVER, he is definately starting to open his eyes to this - hence the new questions...

3 months ago he was very angry at me, wanted a divorce, said we could never be happy, barely spent time with me, things are so much better now, but he is still undecided.
The affair has reached the 6 month mark now, supposedly this is when they start to go bad (not always the case).
I think she will start to pressure him, I would rather the push comes from her as opposed to me.

However if nothing happens in the next few weeks, I know the next move could be for me to stop physical contact with him..or for him to move out...

thanks for taking the time to read my thread, I appreciate it and I will consider all the advice given...