Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

Can you give me some examples on how you perceive her making moves towards you.

She's wanting to hug every now and then, and in general she is acting 'normal'. Maybe I answered my own question.. Even if not on purpose..its probably still a form of cake eating. As she still loves me but sees me as option B instead of option A. So it can be a little confusing for me when I want her back. But in reality I think I just need to make the next couple of weeks as pleasant as possible. Keep my distance (emotionally) get through the moving out transition and after time/space I figure out how/when to start to deal with whatever happens.

Do I mirror her? Of course I do not pursue - but should I continue to be 'distant' but polite? Or do I soften as she softens.

Distant but polite is always a good way to go.

got it.

Really weird trying to manage this - considering she does't know I know and/or doesn't really feel that much guilt for what is hurting me.. IT would be easier if she was rude and distant to me like other sitches...

Why do you think it would be easier if she was rude or distant?
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I guess I just mean that it wouldn't be as confusing... Probably denial but I still see so much hope and potential in 'us' and the situation. I can see through the fog, at least for her I can. (or maybe it's denial). There might also be a bit of arrogance. I know I have some things to work on for myself so that I can be a better H - but as of now I firmly believe that even with the history she is giving up something VERY good. Admittedly we are here because she was not happy, and I have a lot to do with that, but not as much as she has to do with being responsible for her own happiness And I believe she's very confused right on on what she wants. I'm not convinced she's going to enjoy 'girls gone wild' at 45 with 2 young kids for very long. So it feels like her awaking is not far away. <-- I probably need to stop thinking like this, but it doesn't feel like I"m really denying. In my gut it feels like she will be back. A couple of falls in fantasy land and she'll realize.

Okay, enough rationalizing - I'm probably also in withdrawal... I have turned off ALL access to any snooping as of yesterday. It's done. Met with IC yesterday and going to be working on exercises from No More Mr. Nice Guy. Finished that book 2 days ago and I felt like I was reading a book about myself... got some work to-do but at least I know where to focus now.

Thanks for contributing to me and my thread, and thanks for listening.

PJ