Now regarding ex boyfriend - I don’t think he was critical of me because he wanted to break up. He was like that with his daughter too and The two of them would engage in a banter and yelling matches. It was their norm (try to imagine an old school Italian family in a movie that takes place in the 1950s or perhaps George costanzas parents from Seinfeld) , but something I just couldn’t cope with. I think his jabs and criticism stem more from anxiety and an anger issue more then anything.
One of the things that made me feel safe with ex bf is that he’s not the type to break things off. Like I know if I had gotten sick or old or needed surgery or gained weight he would be ok with that. As long as someone met a certain criteria, he would make it work. Almost like an arranged marriage. There’s safety to that, but it certainly did not make me feel good. I probably could have been anyone that wasn’t a complete shmuck and he would be ok with that. Now perhaps, he stopped putting in effort because he subconsciously wanted to end things. That I could understand.
But he’s very sensitive to someone ending things with him. He felt abandoned by many of his exes and he said once someone leaves him that’s it. He’s done. So I know he would never fight for this relationship, once I told him I wanted to be myself. He did tell me that he didn’t have to voice his opinion about my son and that he could learn how to adapt to me. But it did not feel right. It felt like we were walking on egg shells. Me to not have someone criticize, him to not have someone end a relationship.
He won’t call to try to reestablish a relationship. If I wanted to go back to him, he wouldn’t have that either. He said one of his exes tried and he just felt too hurt and abandoned to give it a go. . To be honest, If someone broke things off with me at this point, I would be the same way. My pride would be wounded and after what I went through with ex, I would just move on. So I get it.
And I just do not think we will work out. He is friends with his exes. So maybe that’s a possibility. But we did not date as long either. I don’t think he’s a bad person. I would be happy for him if he met someone nice. I think he is going to have a hard time though with women if he continues to act the way he’s acted with me. Or perhaps he will do Better with a gruffer more masculine female who likes that type of arguing - or maybe a woman that will tell him exactly what she wants.
Because of my history with my ex, I’m not comfortable telling a guy what I want. He left me because I expressed anger about rude things he was doing. And that’s something I have to feel more confident about with future guys.
