Thanks for your advice Jcarlos, I know that I am still strong enough to continue this with him living at home. Even though I am starting to get more angry and more sad whenever he stays with her...
He asked me the other day if I think about what he is doing when he is with OW. I said yes, sometimes. He hugged me close and said softly that he doesn't want me to think about that stuff. I didn't respond, although I wanted to say WTF does he think I think about when he is with her? How am I supposed to NOT think about them? But I didn't say anything, I just hugged him.
He went out with OW last night, around midnight he sent me a text message, it said 'I miss U'. It really made me feel so much better, (so much for detaching). He was out on a date with OW, but texting me? I luv it, it's like I am the OW....I can't send text on my phone so I couldn't write him back.
In the morning he called me and said he wasn't feeling well,
(he has been sicky this week). He said he was going to call in sick at work for the morning. (he was still at OW's) I said okay, I didn't ask if he was going to spend the whole morning with OW or come home. I went to work.
I then sent him a text message through email, I said 'I hope u feel better, I got your message, I missed u too, luv S'.
I hate that he is with her when he should be with me, or at least at home resting instead.
But then around lunch time I got a phone call, it was H, he said he was wondering if I would meet him for lunch. Except for the first year we met, he NEVER offers to come meet me for lunch (I work downtown - very busy, no parking etc...). I said sure. We had a nice lunch, no R talk. He then ran some errands with me (something he usually hates doing). It was weird, kinda like we just met and were dating? At least that's how I felt. He was very loving towards me. Afterwards I kissed him and thanked him for having lunch with me.
That evening we were lying on the couch watching TV. H asked me the following:
H: you want me to fall in love with you again?
Me: Yes,
H: Why?
Me: I think that it would be wonderful and a lot of fun if we could.
H: Will you take care of me if I am hurting?
Me: Of course baby, I will always take care of you.
H: I don't know baby, I'm not sure...
Me: I know.
We hugged and then he asked me if why I don't try to find someone else, that I could get over him like I did my previous relationships. I said, no, that I never loved anyone the way I love him, that we can't compare other relationships to ours. H asked me if I start dating someone else will I still ML with him? I said no, that I can't do that. H said in a quiet voice 'no, you can't stop being with me....' I just hugged him.
We went to bed, H told me that he feels like he is cheating on OW with me, I said don't you think that is crazy? He said yes...
I don't know what the hell is going on, but he and I are enjoying each others company so much more, it's like the way we were in the beginning, yet the OW is still in the picture!! I wish she would leave the country or something. I am grateful that she no longer works with H. It will make their separation much easier...I hope that is where this is heading.. But I know I need to keep my expectations down... don't want to blow it now...
