Some highlights from yesterday’s conversation with L (we spoke for about 35 min.):
She reviewed the proceedings, and came away pleasantly surprised—not full physical custody. Essentially, pretty much all the things W / STBXW threatened me with did not come to pass in the proceedings.
*2-2-3 custody schedule (not asking for sole custody, like one of her threats)
*Courts not gonna split up the boys
*W / STBXW is asking for sole custody with ‘generous vistation ‘ while breast-feeding. L: Breast-feeding is ‘not compelling’ for sole custody—she pumps milk for the sitter, and I bottle-fed YS milk this past Saturday while she was out (as well as on other occasions). L’s words: “No way she can handle him 7 days a week.” L seems to believe that W will ‘come down’ from this one.
*Not exclusive use / possession of residence (so, she’s not kicking me out, unlike her earlier threat). If nobody moves out, custody schedule won’t be in effect, so who knows what this means.
*Somehow L discerned that W’s L’s rate is $125 / hour—L’s words to me over the phone: ‘Your W should be scared’ (apparently even when L first started practicing law, she never charged that much / that little). My L is $500 / hour—and honestly, even though that fee hurts, she’s been totally worth it. I love her wisdom and her personality—she’s honestly been great. If I didn’t listen to her or follow her advice, I would have pretty much accepted W’s parenting plan, and I wouldn’t have this extra time under our roof with the boys.
*L can ‘shadow’ mediation—meaning, we negotiate a lot of the items, put together a proposed judgment—best thing is to stop the bleeding (financially, and emotionally), keep things out of the courts as much as possible, she prepares paperwork and looks it over to make sure things are as good as they can be
*W did not ask for child support, or spousal support (unlike a previous threat by her); however, she does outearn me, so L will run the numbers to see what, if anything, I could be entitled to, and would it be worth pursuing (according to L, I could always modify child support judgments after everything goes through—apparently we can do that until kids turn 18 AND graduate high school)
*L is not a fan of the judge—fine person, but judicially a ‘wild-card’—she recommends what is called ‘papering’ a judge—one chance to switch judges, but then I’m stuck with 2nd choice. W could also do the same—they could ‘paper’ our judge, and then we’re all stuck. L basically told me that just about anyone else in OC would be better—her and none of her colleagues have a good judicial opinion of the judge.
*I brought up ‘Right of first refusal’ (seen on the forum, but also mentioned by my LMFT on Monday)—can be agreed to
*Most likely we will ask for a continuance to get our paperwork together
*If we can see eye-to-eye on all terms, wrap this up in the next 3 months (L’s most optimistic, best-case scenario); the more likely outcome is as long as we settle, get this wrapped up in the next 6 months (by the time W wants to go off to training in September); worst-case, litigate the h*ll out of everything? 18-24 months (Most likely, for the beginning of next school year, I will be newly-D’ed and single)
I find it reallly quite stunning, but I guess the vets shouldn’t be so surprised, I guess. My general impression is that W just wants to be ‘done;’ although, perhaps W has also realized that she wouldn’t get anywhere close to what she threatened me with.
Go ahead and 2x4 me if you must, but I’ve also had some melancholy thoughts about this: Maybe for W being married to me really was / is that bad, so she’s looking to get out, and just lay down her arms to get this going. I don’t know, I could be wrong.
