I am not walking in your shoes, but I would certainly get rid of that "joint" charge card. If you don't, he's going to be racking up more charges. If you want to stop him from using the joint card, call the credit card company and report that you have misplaced the card and require them to move the balance to a new account number. When the cards come, don't give him a card. If you don't, you will be seeing more and more charges coming in.
He could very well feel comfortable in charging up stuff on that card and also could be doing it to see if you are going to say something about it. Either way, you will be the one paying the bill unless you have an understanding w/him that he pays all of his charges.
In my opinion, I think he likes to keep you off balance. Why? That way he doesn't have to deal w/adult responsibilities and be accountable for what he says or does. He knows that if he can get you to focus on other things, you may not think about having that adult discussion w/him about the house and divorce. Don't take his bait! Keep your focus on what you need to do to have that discussion w/him and continue to move forward, i.e., whether a divorce is in the cards or not. When you do talk to him, I like DNJ's suggestion on how to approach the subject. I would also keep your points short and sweet and no long talks because his attention span is that of a gnat.
I to think he's afraid to let go of your apron strings and learn how to walk on his own and he is doing everything humanly possible to keep you right where he left you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
