And I am not sure how important it is to me, or why. I don't want to set him a test then use his failure to give me what I want in exactly the way I want it to prove to myself he's not committed, not trying, and too selfish to want to make the effort for. I don't want to use his shortcomings as an excuse to get out of working on my own. And I don't want my encouragement of him - which he's asked for - to be transactional - I'll only text you in the morning if you text me at night. I suspect he's worried about that too. He did use the word 'currency' to describe it when he was angry last week.
I don't know what else I'd ask for, to be honest. The state things are in between us, my asking for something means he is suddenly unwilling or unable to do it consistently and him giving me something I actually asked for makes me doubt it actually comes freely and lovingly from him. That's the state we're in at the moment - the utter lack of trust on both sides.
So I really do think the only healthy thing I can do is send the encouragement and work on myself. He knows I was unhappy in our relationship as it was, he knows why I was unhappy and what I wanted to see change, and he knows I am working on my own changes. What he does in response to all or any of that is up to him but I do know I want to see him do it without managing or manipulation from me. And I am not sure he's ready to respond assertively and honestly to an honest and assertive request from me.
