13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So checking in and just writing down what goes through my head.

It has been a busy couple of days since last entry to my blog. I am putting in a lot of work in my "off weeks", so I can leave my work little earlier in my "on weeks" with the kids.. So it can be a bit draining, but the reward in my "on weeks" more than make up for it.

For those of you who have followed my sitch, you know that I was diagnosed with a (dont know the term) "life time diagnose" for imflammatory intestine disease "Chrohns" years back. And that eventually led to my depression because a lot of my life time goals that I was no longer able to aim for (police academy or continue working in the army). This in the end most likely led to the downfall of my relationship and 8 months ago, I reached out, and finally allowed someone to get close and help me (IC), and ever since, I have been so much better.

This has translated into my Chrohns having basically left my body, and I have had no outbreaks or numbers indicating that I am sick since june 17.

I am fit, I weigh more than I have ever done (having been skinny but fit my whole life, this is a huge confidence boost to me, that I am now in a REAL good shape).

I am mentally in a good spot, and am getting attention from females on a daily basis, which is also very very good for my confidence, however I am a bit shy. I am making my self go out and talk to at least 3 strangers every day right now, to just get over my self really... Its working .

So I was at my checkup on the hospital on monday, and the chief doc cleared me, which means, that I am able to apply for the Police academy, because my disease is basically none existent at this point in time. I am so grateful, and will be applying summer 2020 so I can work on my self. Physically I am more than capable, but I want to make sure, that I have had the time to completely work through recent events, so that it won't affect me when I apply.

Other than that, everything is good, I believe. I went to visit my kids yesterday, and they are coping fine with this new arrangement. New real estate brokers are in place. However they needed some money here and now for new pictures and papers. They provided the option to wait to pay until the house sells, and then we could pay an additional 450 dollars for that service. My ex wrote and asked me if I had seen the messages from the broker (She cc me on the correspondance), and then said she didn't have that sort of money, if she was also to, quote: "feed OUR kids". I dont want to come off as condescending or mean, but I simply wrote: "I can understand that it must be frustrating, however I am not going to pay 450 dollars just to stall the payment. I know it must be frustrating, but I am sure you will figure something out." <-- The response was, that "You are right, this is not your problem to deal with of course, thank you".

Other than that, the communication between me and ex is good. We are cordial, relaxed and the air is not "heavy" with resentment. I focus on my kids, because other than the house, thats basically all there is left. She has begun to ask me a lot a bout what I do in my sparetime, and if I have to be somewhere specific after visiting them etc. Examples: Yesterday when I left, she wanted to know, if I was going somewhere since I was dressed real nice and looked good. and yesterday we were on the phone making plans for easter holidays (who gets the kids when, and I have plans with some mates for some of the days, and she wanted to know where and with who I was going) <-- I just answer with "yes I do have plans", because frankly, its not something she needs to know of anymore. I think, she really wants me to meet someone new, because that will make this a whole lot easier on her. However her motives and thoughts are really something I need to stay out of and have struggled with, so I am leaving it with that.


Have a good day.