Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 7)

[Bo562]

lol at the ring flying off. Glad you found it.

I’m glad I found it, too. Despite what is going on, there is still meaning there. And we’re still married—even if the days of that are numbered.

Bo keep being an awesome dad and Christian. Be the shining example of a proud Catholic Man living life to the fullest and in his faith.

Thanks. Trying to do that.

I may have shared this with you before... in my past life I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be an art professor. Teachers were so influential in my life.

I do recall this from an earlier post, yes.

I can imagine what you are going through as a man in your profession. Around so many women, yet feeling lonely? I can empathize working in an office full of women where I am. It feels good to just talk to someone and not have marital problems be the main subject all the time. I can imagine teaching some days would feel like a thankless job and then compound that with your W crazy talk at home. I wanted to let you know there will be kids out there you will affect in a positive way and they will never forget like I've never forgotten. Don't let anyone take away from who you are as a person.

I’m glad you can relate. Some days are better than others—especially about the loneliness part, given that my profession is 2/3rds—3/4ths female. That part, given my sitch, can admittedly be very difficult, because I have some rather attractive female co-workers. (I know—still married, probably shouldn’t date for at least a year after everything goes final, but I can’t help notice.)

One of the blessings and curses of being a teacher is that I’m always busy (grading, lesson planning / prepping, assorted stuff that goes with being a teacher, etc.) I know my first couple of years at it (I never taught before, nor did I go to a school of education for it, so I had no formal training except on-the-job) I really leaned into my job, probably at expense of W and the family, but I’ve learned to balance it more the past couple of years, and give W and OS much, much more time.

I am trying to open up more to co-workers, in general—I’ve kinda been an island, and paradoxically, teaching is one of the professions that relies heavily on in-person contact and can also be incredibly isolating (because of the workload and the high walls of professionalism I need to keep up).

This may be a topic for later, but only 2 people at work know my sitch—my Dept. Chair (immediate supervisor), and a colleague my Dept. Chair recommended I talk with (who is D’ed and remarried, and will be retiring at the end of this school year). This colleague and I had a great discussion this morning—she empathized a lot with where I’m at, and she gave some really good insights. I’m also sure we will be talking next week, and later on, too.

Some days teaching can be a thankless job, but then there are plenty of moments where I’m reminded that a lot of students really do appreciate the work that I do. I have had a number of students the last 4-plus years tell me that I’m one of the best teachers they ever had, that I’m one of the few teachers who ask them how they are doing, one of the few teachers who really try to care about their students, that I make them feel welcome in the classroom. At the end of my last class today, before I hopped in the pool, I had a conversation with a young woman, a current student whose sister I had for 3 semesters as a junior and a senior. She asked me about college basketball (her older sister goes to Gonzaga, which is a #1 seed in the upcoming NCAA tournament). We talked about it, and she told me about her sister and how she feels about the tournament. The thought occurred to me earlier tonight on the ride home that I should feel so so lucky to have the relationship I do with this student and this young woman (and her family, in general—I met her parents again a few weeks ago, and the parents both gave me a hug upon seeing me again)—that both of their daughters I taught are exceptional young women, and I should feel grateful that the younger sister I teach now I seem to have an especially good connection and relationship with.

I’m pretty much over W’s crazy talk—I’ll share details about my convo with L later, but I’m starting to feel more and more like a free man, if that makes any sense.

I came home late tonight, as I was doing scoreboard operations for our baseball team / games—be present to the students, and make some extra $$$. W tells me that things may be getting crazy at work and she’ll need to work 2nd shift the rest of this week and I will probably need to get the boys and take care of them and blah blah blah. Me? “Sure. That won’t be a problem at all.”

I agree with what Sandi said about being equally yoked. I didn't like that phrase when I was younger, much younger, but as I got older I saw the wisdom in it. Your faith is part of your identity. Don't sacrifice that or lose it. Don't compromise it.

Thanks. I’ll do my best.

W is Vietnamese and many are either Catholic or Buddhist.

Orange County has a large Vietnamese population, and especially Vietnamese Catholics. Not to look too far down the road, but I find Asian women attractive (but then again, who doesn’t?), and being Catholic helps with attractiveness for me, too. I also have a number of Vietnamese students, which is kinda cool—for the most part, they tend to be among my very best students.

I know having a partner who is the same faith as me doesn't guarantee eternal bliss, but if I had to do it all over again, I'd find someone who is a believer as much as I am, at least. BUT.... this isn't about finding the right partner. This is about YOU. Sure there are some 180s we can all do, but those are mostly behaviors we should continue to strive in getting better at anyways. You don't need to change who you are, not what's at your core. You can always build upon it though and I know you will.

I wonder if I will find someone who is as much of a believer as me (if not equally-yoked, at least similarly-yoked—I don’t want a carbon copy of me, if that makes sense). I thought W was, and I’m seeing where that led me, as well as my previous dating adventures, too. Right now, I’m not trying to rule anything out. I do see the wisdom in what you and Sandi say, but this is something I need to tackle myself.

Hopefully, in time, someone will want to ride along with me on the journey (I posted this before, but—“be so good they can’t ignore you”), but until then....I do know that ultimately this is about me, and I think about the ground that I’ve covered in the last few months. I shouldn’t have to settle or sacrifice my core—I feel like I’ve given up, sacrificed or compromised a lot for W, and I’m kinda done with that.