Thanks kitkat for your support. I haven't been updating my sitch daily anymore, don't know if that means I am getting better at not obsessing, but it doesn't feel like it.
The past week has been more of the same.... On Thursday night we went bowling with our son. H kept saying how hot I looked. We even flirted a bit. I didn't mention OW or have any relationship talks. On Friday night we were supposed to go to the movies together but we had to stay with our son until 10pm, so we went to the movies with him and watched a kids movie. It was also fun. After we dropped him off and the 2 of us went to eat.
While we were eating, H said that he wasn't going to stay at home tonight, but that he would go with me to my parents for dinner the next day (saturday). I was dissappointed since we were having such a good time, I almost forgot about our sitch. I said okay. He asked me why I wanted to go out with him? I said cause I enjoy his company and spending time with him.
I get the feeling that he is offering to do stuff with me - my parents, dinner, movies etc... because he is starting to feel guilty about spending time with OW instead of me - even though we are 'separated'. But if he wants to be with her instead of me, why does he continue to ask me to do things? He is under no obligation to spend anytime with me....
Then we went for a few drinks. We ended up at our usual place, the last 2 times we went there we ended getting into huge arguments, so I think we were both a bit nervous. But it ended up okay, no R talk.
On Saturday he came home early and we planned on going out with our nephews. But then we got into a fight about some household stuff and I didn't go with him. I told him I would go to my parents alone. And I did, I didn't call him at all. I got home late and he wasn't home. He came home on Sunday and asked me why I never phoned him. I told him I didn't think he would notice.
He hugged me and we had this conversations:
H: do you still love me? Me: yes. H: why do you still want to be with me? Me: because I think that one day we could be happy together again. H: oh baby (sighs), you know if I leave OW I will be so very sad. Me: I know you will be, but you will be sad without me too. H: I know.
Then we went home and watched a movie, we went to sleep together in the room and were very cuddly. The next day (monday) he told me that we need to talk about us. That my brother's wedding has come and gone and nothing has changed between us. I said okay. We said we would talk tommorow (tuesday). Then he started tickling me and we were laughing, then he said that he wishes that things could be the way the used to be, he paused and then said 'sometimes I wish it'. I said me too. Then he said he was sorry for all the pain he has caused me. I just hugged him.
I asked him why he wanted to go out with me on Friday night? He said he wanted to see that movie, and he wanted to see it with ME. I said that we could go watch it this weekend since we didn't get the chance.
I am not sure what is going on in his head. He has been saying sorry a lot lately, also acting very wishful and seems sad about us. Does that mean he is on his way back to me? Or does it mean that he is trying to accept that he is leaving me and is trying to say goodbye? Very confusing, but I guess I will just wait and see what he suggests in our 'talk' tonight.
He just called me and asked me about our mortgage, and says he thinks he found a good deal for switching. He asked me to check it out. I said sure.
(WTF?? Why is he looking at mortgage rates when he KNOWS we have to sell the house when we split???)
