Thanks for posting Gekko. Your right. I did start to feel like I was on defensive and then I just stopped bringing him around with me cause I did not want to worry about being put in that position. And his criticisms were over really small, stupid things that he wrote off as innocent jabs at humor...
He was meeting my friend for the first time and he had to make fun of me because I did not include enough cups in the picnic basket I had worked hard to prepare. It went beyond a “hey is that enough cups” it was more like a “seriously. What? are we all gonna share a cup that you pass around ?! Haha. Get more cups. What are you thinking. Why would you just pack these?” But he was dead wrong as the drinks were all individual cans and bottles and I was only bringing the cups just in case. It was just annoying that he wanted to constantly banter about every thing. Especially calling me out in front of friends he never met. I could have argued and got real nasty, but I didn’t want to because it was all my friends and I didn’t want him to feel bad or ganged up on. But I was really annoyed.
But here’s something I started to notice. He only did these things when we were out places. When we were in his house everything was fin. And they were in places that there was an unknown. I actually think it was a form of anxiety. I have a sense of humor. I really do not get super offended at things....
The jabs were not funny. There was anger and Impatience behind each comment. That’s what upset me. He was losing his temper with me over things that were really minuscule and done in a way to take the discomfort off of him and on to me. That’s what I think anyway. But it got to the point where I was thinking, “I’m not gonna invite him cause parking can be tough at that place and if I miss a parking spot and have to drive around he’s gonna start harassing me” Seriously. Who can live like that???
My ex husband told me I was critical and negative and verbally abusive. I cringe at the thought that I could have been like ex boyfriend. If that’s the case, this is my Karma. But with my ex husband the things I complained about was more about his sleeping till 3 and money and him being late. I didn’t make jabs like that over small things. But I don’t know if ex was gaslighting me..perhaps doing things he knew I would complain about and then using it as an excuse to break up with me or if so was really as bad as ex bf to him.
