Flying Too Close to the Sun

[Holding]

So strange how WAS's become so nasty. I always thought it was an exaggerated cliche. And certainly not how I played my cards. But apparently people don't think they're out of line, they feel they are right. Some strange narrative that they were diminished in the marriage like a fragile flower that was being trampled on, and now they are rediscovering who they are, and becoming horribly abusive is becoming empowered and embracing themselves.

100% agree with how you're handling it. See my last post on my thread, it's about the exact same thing.

Thanks! The WAS's have to tell themselves stories to make their lives easier. At one point last year, I think it was close to Christmas when all the other stuff was going down, she messaged me "Holding, I am not married to you anymore and you can no longer manipulate me". I was just stupefied.

I went and read your post, as well as the original post you linked to. I have to say, your table on feelings and what the other person is feeling was invaluable to me. I printed that out and carried it in my wallet for the longest time. It helped me get through some rough spots.

The school thing is so painful, like watching someone drown and being unable to save them. Like you, I hope my son just graduates.

H....my xw is not over the top nasty but it still amazes me to this day that she seemingly can just write off 17 years together with little or no emotion and be so detached. I am not sure that I will ever be able reconcile that in my mind. The only thing I ever tried to do was be a good husband and father, I provided for our family, was there for our children, etc. and she acts like I have some contagious disease. It is mind boggling to say the least.

J9, I bet she does have moments of emotion, she just hides them. I think what you're looking for is validation. You want to hear from her that, even though she no longer loves you, she did at one time, and she did value you. If you ever do get that from her, you'll probably be so deep in "meh" that it won't register. Validation is not coming from her.

And also, rock on, Big Smooth!