Thanks for the response Peace, just to clarify a few points.
I don't feel any pain. None at all. My life is good. I finally accept that S and OD will have whatever relationship they have and that can't be the basis for my action/inaction.
I really want to sell the house ASAP. Our market is falling. The proceeds of the house are a big part of any payout I'm getting. I really want to buy a place where my D goes to school. I need to sell this place to do so. His limbo is keeping that from happening. S doesn't like this house. He feels sad and lonely here. D needs to get out of the dorms. I need her to be in an apartment with her grand piano and her two cats and so S and I can visit her regularly.
I think the time doesn't help him. I think he will keep spinning. I think he needs hand-holding and a depth charge or whatever you call them. I think I have to lead this conversation however it goes. I think I just want to say something, anything, to get a conversation going. He is afraid of any conversation.
We are getting along pretty well in general now, but he doesn't like to have adult conversations.
