I haven't posted for this week cause it was just more of the same, I didn't really see any progress. There were a few things:
We went to a party together on the weekend, he wasn't in a good mood, he was angry that I looked so 'hot' now that we are 'broken up'. He said that he misses me, that he wished that we had worked on our problems last summer, that maybe we could have fixed things etc....he seemed bitter. After the party he made me drop him off at a coffee shop (he was supposed to go out with OW). I went home, he called me an hour later to make sure I was okay. He told me that he has just been walking around for the past hour. He said he is very confused and upset. I told him that I could go get him if he wanted, but he said no, he would see me later.
Since then he has been kind of distant and angry. H asked me a few times if I would take him back. I replied yes I would every time. Then a few days later he said that even though I said I would take him back, I would never be able to get over what he has done, so what is the point. I told him that was not true, I understand WHY it happened and HOW we got to this point. I told him that it would take time to heal etc... but that I know I would be able to.
On Wed he went out with OW, when he came home he hugged me and wouldn't let go. He asked me to take a shower with him and he looked very sad. After work, he came over and hugged me, then we had the following conversation, some of it is similar to previous conversations:
H: OW gets mad when I hug you or am close to you. Me: Do you like to hug me? H: Yes Me: So then, hug me. Do you tell her that we are still close? H: Not anymore cause she gets mad. Me: So you are lying to her? H: Yes Me: You two have such a great relationship.
We looked at each other and he said he knew I would say that, and we started laughing, then he started tickling me.
Later the conversation continued:
H: I am not allowed to go on dates with you either. Me: Not 'allowed' to? You let her tell you what you can or cannot do? H: NO!! Me: You know, she can feel jealous, but she doesn't have the right to tell you what to do, you told her that you can't make her any promises, so why is she making demands? H: I don't tell her we go out cause I don't want to fight with her all the time.
I didn't say anything more, but he has mentioned OW's anger before. I will continue to make it sound like she is being pushy and making decision for him (he hates that). Also I will tell him that he should be doing what makes HIM happy. if he wants to spend time with me then he should regardless of what OW says - he shouldn't have to hide it from her, if she can't accept it then maybe she should leave!
We were talking about one of his friends who is dating a guy that got his ex - girl pregnant. She caught them together. I said that she shouldn't stay with him. I said his ex will always be part of his life cause of the baby and if he has feelings for her then he will continue to cheat with her. H looked at me and said, so you think she should break up with him, but you won't do the same? I said he can't compare our R to theirs. I said we are married, and I am the one that was here first. And then I said - your b^$^$ch isn't pregant is she? He said no, so then I said 'no comparison'.
H asked me if I was still on the pill. I said yes. He asked me if I would try to get pregnant to keep him. I laughed and said NO, I am not pathetic or desparate. Why would I want to force you to be with me if you don't want to be. H said that if I did get pregnant, he would have to end it with OW, he said that he wouldn't continue to be with both of us....
I commented that it bothers me that he would be willing to work on our R if a baby was involved, but that he won't do the same even though we have our custodial son. He said that it is not the same thing. I said yes, it is. Us divorcing will have the same effect on him as if he was our natural child. He agreed, but said that his feelings towards me would be different if WE had a child together.
He then commented that it was my fault we didn't have one anyways. He continues to blame me, even though I remind him every time that he agreed to wait. This is one of the main sore spots in our R. I told him that he needs to stop blaming me, accept that it was both our decisions. But I don't think he is ready to believe that yet.
I am not pushing anything, just trying to spend fun time with him as much as possible, and avoiding him when he is in a bad mood. I will continue to point out positives in our relationship and the negative things in his R with OW, but very subtley of course. I know he eventually listens cause he brings them up himself later.....
