S13 and S16 are ok. S13 is doing very well in school, but he still struggles with the emotional fallout of D. About a month ago he asked me what I thought life would be like if XW and I had not gotten a D. I told him I didn't know, but things are different now, and that doesn't mean they can't be good in their own way. I feel bad for the guy. He calls me crying sometimes saying he misses me. It breaks my heart that my kids live like gypsies, moving from house to house. All this still makes me angry at XW.
S16 is a full-fledged teenager, with a girlfriend. He doesn't talk about the D. But he's failing 3 classes and gives zero sh1ts. He's got punishments and phone restrictions at both my house and his mom's. He's always struggled in school (which I don't understand since he is super smart), but it's gotten worse since the D. At this rate he'll never get his license. This may be his act of rebellion, trying to control something in his life. And yes, both kids are seeing an IC.
Dealing with XW
She's kind of a train wreck. She's had 4 car accidents since December of 2017. She's being audited by the IRS. It looks like she's putting on weight again (can't blame that on me any more LOL).
Around Christmas, things with XW started to get pretty toxic, with nasty messages on OFW (ourfamilywizard) from her. The main point of contention for her was money, and feeling she was screwed in the D. She tries to get me to pay for things that are not in the decree, or even things that the decree says she must pay for. She's in full victim mode. On OFW she called me arrogant and then dropped this beauty: "I suggest you save your money..."
After that, I realized I had to keep contact to a minimum with her, for my own mental health. I ignore all text messages unless they are an emergency. I keep my messages on OFW to one or 2 sentences - short and sweet. I don't respond to anything negative or accusatory. This is starting to pay off, and I'm finally getting some peace. XW has reduced the number of OFW messages she sends, and that also makes me wonder if she has a BF - in which case YAY!!!!! She's got something to do with herself!
XW texted me to say XBiL got into a bad accident and was in intensive care. Numerous broken bones, can't move his arms, etc. I texted XSiL to offer my thoughts and prayers. I thought about stopping by the hospital, but I think it'd be way too uncomfortable, given everything that's happened. XW is having to watch her sister's kids on many nights because of all this. I used to be the one carrying the load during times like this, but not any more. It's all on her.
Thinking back on my M, I can honestly say I would still be stuck there if XW had not pushed for D. I would've done anything for my kids and to spare them from all this pain, and my sense of commitment is too strong. But now that I've seen XW's dark side, I don't see how I could ever go back in that bottle. The financial, domestic, and personal freedom I have in my life now is amazing. So in that small regard, thank you XW.
Dating
OLD continues (26 first dates so far), but I'm getting cynical. On the other hand, it's helping me see that I do want a LTR. I feel my heart opening up to the possibility as I move through the dating process.
I recently went on 3 dates with someone I really liked. The chemistry on the first date was AMAZING, and for about a day afterwards, I was on cloud 9, feeling like a young infatuated kid. It was a great feeling and something I haven't felt in about 20 years. The second date was great too, as was the third, but I was starting to see that maybe she was love-bombing me. She was really into astrology, and was convinced that we were a "power couple". Plus there was lots of teasing with no pay off, and she even told me she gave up sex for lent. Seriously, that's like saying, "I'm a good catholic, so I've given up bank robbing for lent". Anyway, it all got to be too much drama (there was still an XBF in the picture), so I ended it. I'm not sure how much of it was real on her end. It could have all been an ego trip for her, and maybe she was even in a serious R with someone. I felt somewhat used, and I was honestly a little mad at myself for letting my feelings get the better of me. But the feelings I had were still real.
I've noticed I'm most attracted to women who show outward signs of affection for me: saying they like me, touching, long hugs, good kisses. I like the clear feedback, as opposed to women who play it close to the chest with their feelings. Maybe that's because that was so severely lacking in my M. When I met XW a long time ago, she made no secret of how much she liked me and wanted to be with me. So I'm "succeptible" to that sorta thing. I'm not eager to repeat the mistakes of the past.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
