Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

AS & LH,
Thank you so much for the 'leveling'. I get what you are saying and just as you posted, I fully get it logically. I was feeling a bit inspired last night from NMMNG and wanted to directly 'face my fears', as well as be more direct. Although this might be something I need to do, now is not necessarily the time. So, I will take other steps. As of tomorrow no more snooping. I'm done. It only hurts anyway, and clearly is just a form of trying to control.

It may not sound like it here as I post, but I do believe i'm making positive steps in regards to detachment. I know I'm not detached, but I do know what I need to do and I'm making baby steps to get there. It is difficult when she is still in the house everyday (knowing she is moving out in 3 weeks). She is still very 'normal'. Nice to me, does the laundry, picks up the house, deals with the kids and some dinner. It's weird cause it's normal - but it's not normal. I/we are cordial and polite actually have some small talk but I focused 100% on my book last night as well as the kids. I"m doing relatively well with GAL. I had a life before this (part of my W's frustration and BD). One of my newer close friends is actually buying the house across the street from me and moves in a week after my W moves out. Going to be great local support. I'm going out with this same group tonight for my B-day (without my W and I know her not being invited has tugged on her heart a little) <-- not that I should care about this.

I have a hobby that I deeply love and will be focusing on that significantly (golf) I"m a member of a club so it will be easy to stay busy there when I don't have the kids. I'm going on a week long golf trip the last week in March. I'm back in the gym and have lost 40lbs in the past year so I'm already looking/feeling better in this regard. My friend moving across the street has already been D'd in the past and knows what I'm going through so he has really helped keep me busy. In short GAL is not really my problem. Once shes' gone I will have more time to fill but already have projects planned for the house. - I just need to let go of her!!!

There are few things that still "bother" me in regards to my sitch if I handled it correctly or not. Would love your opinion(s) in regards to any other steps I might be able take (Probably not cause I can't focus on her) - but I also need to be prepared for certain conversations when they come up (cause they will come up before she moves out).

Here is a little summary:

1. I caught one of her PA's
2. She denied it was PA only EA and 'ended it'
3. I confirmed it was PA confronted her - and admitted to my own PA 2years ago (asking to rebuild the M)
4. She turned it around on my for snooping/bugging and lying for 2yrs. And never really took any responsibility/accountability for her actions
5. She said she wanted to move out because of the bugging (did not feel safe) this was essentially the real BD
6. I begged pleaded to work on this without moving out. I tried to give her space in the house but felt we were in limbo and did not like that she was not working on the relationship (this all before finding this site).
7. I then confirmed another PA with a random 1 night stand. Did not confront her about it, but then asked her to move out within 30 days. This is essentially where we are now. I think I made the right step in asking her to move out. Not only to create a 'loss' for her, but I believe that I would probably be better with this type of separation instead of IHS (but not sure how confident I am in that statement now that she is moving out). More importantly by not explaining exactly why I asked her to move out, I'm not sure I got the full benefit. Which is part of the reason I wanted to BD again last night.

So.. thoughts? We have roughly agreed on numbers for the separation. 50/50 with the kids. I give her a lump sum transition money, as well as a little child support monthly (because I make more). I'm the only one with an attorney so she doesn't fully trust me. She will need to sign away all rights to other assets for the lump sum payment. She is already aware of this but it might get more complicated when the legal documents are actually presented to her. I also think she might ask for more child support. So.. my point is - there will be other necessary conversations that come up. Does her last PA that I know about come into play at all during ANY of this? Or do you suggest this is all withheld until the future when I'm more centered? I know I need to take the focus off her but there is still the necessary goal explained by Sandy2 about needing to create 'losses' to the WW. <-- this is what I want to maximize as much as possible before she is out of the house. But obviously not to the detriment of my overall situation. So please provide any advice.