No, I was definitely groveling, pleading, begging during early days.
Having said that, I think W needed the amygdala hijack to settle down. W's departure was uncharacteristically cruel and thoughtless, hurting both me and the kids. Her grievances were all over the map: things I said to friends 15 years ago; missing a bill payment; not laughing at her jokes; emotions I confided honestly, which she considered inappropriate.
W now says she was in an emotional fog and can't even remember some of the things she said.
My W being "polite," as you put it, is part of the core issue. Much of her persona is tied to her being the polite and "nice" one. I suspect that if she recognized the version in her of that darkness inside all of us, and if she embraced it and forgave herself for it, it would go a long way in helping her forgive me for all grievances--whether legitimate or conjured from her own, internal story-telling.
