Well Tuesday night, he came back from his outing with OW around 1am. He crashed on the couch. In the morning he came to cuddle with me. But he told me that he is mad at me again. I told him I am sorry he feels that way. He said he is mad at me, he is mad at HER, he just wants to be left alone. I said okay and tried to give him space. I sent him an email and told him that I understand all the anger from the past year is coming out now, so if he wants me to give him some space for the next few days I will.
I didn't know if he would cancel our date, but I don't really feel like going with him if he is in a bad mood anyways....
When I got home from work he was in a really bad mood, everything mad him made. He got in an argument with his mom too which made matters worse. We decided to go to the movies with our son first then go out for drinks after.
Before we left, we were sitting on the couch hugging and he asked me if it bothers me that OW is hurting cause we are still so close? I said no, why would it bother me? He didn't answer.
This is the third time he has mentioned her being upset about me and H. I wonder if he told her the truth about our ML and how close we are physically? Maybe she noticed the dinner and bar receipts from our many nights out that I left in the car? Maybe she is questioning him about our R, and is doubting his feelings towards her? I don't know, and I won't ask, but he seems to want to tell me stuff, so I will just keep my ears open.
We had an okay time, we didn't talk about our R, but things weren't too much fun cause he was not in a good mood.
We went home and ML after. Then he told me that he wishes he loved me. He said he tries to feel it for me but he doesn't. I told him that it will take time for those feelings to come back, that it will take some work too.
He said that he doesn't need to work on those feelings with OW. That they are already there. This hurt me a lot, but I told him that those feelings come naturally at the beginning of a relationship, but over time they need to be worked on.
In the morning I was sad, I had to go to work but he wanted me to stay with him. I told him that I was thinking about what he said last night. I told him that the reason that he is having trouble feeling 'in love' with me is cause he is focusing those feelings on OW. I told him that she is meeting those needs for him, so I can't. He told me that sometimes he does feel 'in love' with me, but it doesn't last, it comes and goes, but with her he feels it all the time.
He told me that he knows it would be easier for her to start over without him than it would be for me. I agreed with him and told him that I am losing him, our son, our home and I probably won't be able to find someone in time to have babies either. He kept hugging me.
Then I left for work. I wish that he could just let go of her and come back like he said he would on the weekend. Why do his feelings for me keep fading? He says sometimes he misses me so much and wants to be with me, but after a few days he doesn't? Is it really because of OW? Am I just wasting my time? This is very hard. I think I will need to rethink my strategy after my bro's wedding.
Currently, I spend a lot of time with him, and I try to be fun and someone he wants to be with - it does work, but only for a short period, then he restates his love for OW and his lack of feeling for me. Maybe if I keep this up, OW will get tired of his on again/off again feelings for me?
Perhaps instead of trying to show him how good it would be WITH me, I should let him see how bad it would be WITHOUT me? (ie stop being there for him, maybe everytime I do things for him or with him - point out to him that if we divorce I won't be there or doing them)
So do I be patient and continue my first strategy? Or move on to the second? Or a combo of both?
