Okay new perspectives: I’ve spent tonight reading No more Mr. Nice Guy! Now I’m debating just dropping my own bomb. Telling her how much she has hurt and betrayed me with this last incident. Tell her that I deserve much better and that I don’t really care that she feels violated because I snooped. I hope she gets the help that she needs for her and for our children. I know she will not find fullfillment in these relationships but apparently this is something she needs to find out on her own. I may be here when she is ready, or I may not. I’m going to take my time and space to work on me as well as working on moving on. I deserve better,
OK let's just put the "whoa" on all of this. Right now you are at the stage where you feel like things are spinning out of control and you are desperate to control things again. When it becomes clear that you can't "control" your W into coming back, then you decide you will just cut her off completely and BD her and possibly push for S or D. Please understand this is just more control and manipulation on your part. STOP! You REALLY need to step back, take a deep breath, center yourself and adjust to this new situation.
We always say it's a marathon because it IS a marathon. There is no shortcut that gets you straight to the end. You are in emotional turmoil and it takes time to process it and heal.
Do not confront her about this. Work on "you" and leave her alone for now. Take this journey of self-improvement and once you settle into your "new normal" THEN you can decide how to proceed.
