We have been together close to 10 years. There was always an age difference, I met her when I was 39 and she was 19 in a college class we were both taking. Now I am 49 and she is 29 and I think she is re-evaluating her life choices.
Sometimes when a person gets in a serious R at a young age they later they start wondering if they may have "missed out on something". There may be some of that going on with her. These days May-December relationships are not that unusual (I'm in one myself) so I don't think the age difference has anything to do with it. She certainly did the wrong thing in jumping right into another R though.
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We had a son 4 years ago, and somewhere I dropped the ball with my share of the housework. I was worried about finances and stared studying for new IT certs. Passed my CCNA a few months back. This was my attempt at better employment to support my family. She took this as me being selfish. I hated nothing more that studying again at this age. I did it for them.
We hear this fairly often here. The H does something that takes him away from home a lot and he feels it must be done "for the family", but the W feels alone and abandoned and harbors resentment over it. The H doesn't understand why she feels that way since to him he thinks it should be "obvious" he's doing it for the family and not himself. The problem is she needs emotional support and if she's not getting it then her "emotional bank account" drains down to zero. Then she's left feeling alone and empty and starts looking elsewhere for that support she's missing.
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Before Xmas I got bomb dropped. And after that the same script follows that most of us here had. Supposedly it was all bad for years and I didnt notice. All these years we were always doing things together and laughing.
That doesn't mean she was happy though. Don't just discount everything she says as rewriting history. There could be some valid reasons you got BD'd, you need to try and explore them and see what you can do differently.
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Sex once a week. She told me that the sex wasnt enough. I have since checked the stats and it seems we were in normal range.
Unequal sex drives can lead to problems. "Normal" for you may be "not enough" for her. It reminds me of a Woody Allen movie where a couple is being interviewed about their marital problems and the husband says "we almost never have sex, I practically have to beg just to get it once or twice a week" and the woman says "oh yes we have a very active sex life, once or twice a week!"
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Everything I tried to do to help her backfired. Psychologist, driving lessons, gym membership.
So consider this, if she felt emotionally empty inside because of your lack of attention, then do you think buying her a bunch of stuff is the answer? You can't "bribe" her back. You can't "nice" her back and you can't "mean" her back. What you CAN do is change YOU. Work on YOU, become the spouse only a fool would leave and if she sees real changes over a long period of time THEN she may be attracted back.
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We live in my house (PS we are in Greece) and she wanted to get my out. Thanks to posts here I didnt allow that.
Good.
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AnotherStander sorry I got a typo in your name earlier but cant find an edit option for the posts.
It's no problem! The edit function is only there for a few minutes after you post, so if you come back later it will be gone.
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Over the past 4 months since BD I have corrected everything she had mentioned as the problem areas. But recently new stuff is piling up, like little petty things. So I almost want to say "You are really going to break our family , cause 5 years ago I didnt have my cell phone with me when you called etc..."
This is pretty typical, a WAS gives you a laundry list and you tackle them and she gives you another list and on and on it goes. You have to sort out what is worth working on and what is just spew. Remember this is about making yourself a better person, not satisfying her list in hopes of luring her back.
