I have been thinking about why went with the boundary statement . 3 reasons . 1) to express that I knew what she had done and lied to me 2) to stop her seeing om 3) to try and save the love I have for her dying. But mostly I think to get her back . I truly felt I had let her go yesterday, but today I am a mess . Glad I have no temptation to drink again as that would make things worse if I did . I also have been reading Sandi’s posts and was trying to get the fear of loss and the wake up to what the reality will be if we go our own ways .
She is being ultra nice to me since then but I know it is just manipulating me to try to let her continue to do what she wants . I also don’t want any arguments and for things to continue to be civil but today it has hit me again and I want to just find somewhere to crawl up in and sleep/ hide .
I know I will feel better shortly and need to get the PMA and act as if all will be fine ( it will) just need to stop wallowing and get moving.
