Last night H told me that he is trying to remember how he felt about me at the begining of our R, he said that
sometimes he remembers, but sometimes he doesn't.
He told me that he is going out with the OW on Tuesday (tonight) instead of on Wednesday. He said that he wants to go out with me on Wednesday night since Thursday is a holiday. I asked him if he wanted to do something with our son, he said no, that he wants to go for dinner and a walk on harbourfront, maybe dancing afterwards. I said sure. He said that he wants to see if we can have a good time like we used to.
Then he said even though things are good between us now (ie the way we interact), he doesn't think we will work out. I asked him why he thinks that - he said cause we will end up fighting just like last week in the morning. I told him that it was one argument, that everyone has arguments. He said he is scared that this new relationship we are creating isn't for real, and that we will return to the old one. I told him that I don't think that is true, I told him that of course there will be times that we slip up, but that as long as we recognize it, we can stop it. I told him that he needs to be more patient, that we are both dealing with a lot of emotions and sometimes we do and say things out of anger and frustration because of our current situation. He was quiet. Then he said that he thought I had stopped loving him last year when we were fighting all the time (these were very minor arguments to me, but I guess he didn't think so...). I told him that I never stopped loving him and I was sorry he felt I stopped.
Later that night he told me that he is angry with me again. I asked him why? He said he doesn't know, but every now and then he feels a lot of anger towards me. I told him I am sorry that he feels that way and said 'is there anything you would like me to do right now?' He said no, so we just watched tv together.
I am looking forward to Wednesday, but I am also very nervous. At least he is starting to open up to the idea that there may be something we have together that is worth fighting for instead of just giving up and moving on with OW.
I know I need to be calm and keep reminding myself to act as if I am on a first date with a guy. I hope I don't screw up, I hope he isn't going to base any decisions on one date. I mean we have gone out quite a few times over the past few months spontaneously and it was fun for both of us. Should I actually tell him not to base our future on one date?
