FlySolo, what a great positive post. There was so much good in it. I especially liked how you made a conscious decision to be less cold with H - I think that can only bring good things in your life.
I also liked how it seems D12 and D9 made rational decisions that they'd prefer to stay with you for the evening, and they expressed this to H. They didn't seem to have any fear that he'd be disappointed in them, or that they were "messing things up". You've never indicated that they would feel so, but this interaction just showed to me that they don't feel caught in the middle of you and H. They were honest to a preference, and it was accepted by both of you. This was very impressive to me.
This very honest family discussion about logistics without overwhelming emotions getting in the way is so healthy. Your D's sound great.
