Got a life, now what?

[97Hope]

Journaling,

Sunday was interesting. Got a text as I was walking into Church (H goes to a different one now at an earlier service) and He says he was planning on coming to the house around 2 to work. Let him know that was fine, I had plans after church and would be around at some point. When I got here, he was mowing the grass and planting more flowers.

Here's the thing. He has been out a lot getting the yard work done for spring. This might make me feel good but he has every intention of keeping the house because I will not be able to afford it. Talking to a L soon to see how I can keep it/if I should and sell. We only moved here 3 years ago. IDK. Most days, he talks to me about what he has planted and even asks what kind of trees I want, where 'we' should plant them etc. It depends on the day, he uses "we' statements a lot sometimes "we need to do x for next year, in the fall we will do x" but still maintains that he moved out for clarity and believes that this is heading for D.

So I listen and try not to get hopes up or down.

We did the ranch work together, came in and were having a racy convo when S17 got home, so had to change the topic. I still flirt back if he starts it, but I don't if he doesn't first. Hey. I like being flirted with by my H!

Anyway, he was completely out there with flirting with me in front of S17, and I was shocked. I am so glad I'm able to let it roll. Just like to post here and see what you think, wisened DBers!

Today I worked again. H called and asked what I had planned for dinner. Told him a steak. He asked if me and S17 were just going to share one, I said yes, but if you want to join us, pull another one. He said "no. I was going to feed him since you are working out of town" Let him know that I would be home to do dinner. Was kind of irked that he wanted to feed the grown boy before I got home. Sorry. I didn't move out. You did. I don't enjoy eating by myself if I have a choice, you eat by yourself in your self-imposed hotel decor apt in town. Consequences, man!

Anyway. He was here when I got home. I was a little surprised he hadn't left. Just sitting on the couch talking to S17. When I came in he started singing "9 to 5" and was in a great mood. Asked me all about my day and my job etc. Talked for a bit and he left.

This is so weird. I do not know this person.

Standing firm, fighting the good fight. Glad I have a job for the next 2 weeks. They love me there and treat me like they value me as a person. I have to tell you, that feels so GREAT. I haven't felt valued in many many years.

Thanks for reading. Drop me a line if you see something I can work on.