Sorry I haven't posted to you for a while. (Everytime I would try something would happen) But it seems like you have had plenty of company. There are bits form each post that I would agree and disagree with. Instead of Quating each one, I will just give you my take on some of it.
1) Yes you should be yourself, but you also can come up with strategies and still be ture to yourself. I don't think coming up with a game plan or strategy as something bad like you are trying to manpulate H. But I see it as a tool for coping with everything that is going on. 2) I do agree that maybe you have to rework your goals. (But then at times everyone needs to do that.) You have already found out some things that have worked. Now work on the things that don't. 3) If H dose cross the boundies that both of you have talked about, yes you should bring it up. Maybe with less yelling but then we all are just human and doing the best we can. 4) Sex should never, NEVER be used as a way to get what we want. ML love is such a personal and spirtual thing it shouldn't be bought down as a simple tacit for getting one's way. (Anyway it would just backfire once the thruth came out that it was just to get ones way) 5) You can take a stand for yourself with out forcing anything. It is what the boundies are. And when you make H accountable for his actions. 6) If you pace to many rules and make H feel like a child it will just make Ow look that much better. 7) As much as we would like to we just can't change the bottom line. It is up to him to stop. The best you can do is to take care of you and be there when you can. 8) Keep going out and doing things that are for you. You know that it gets H to think. And it is always better being with friends and having fun than setting at home waiting for him to come home. Don't worry that if you not there it will just make him want to see or be with Ow. Do it for you not for hoping to get his attion. That goes for everything you do.
