I see now that there were two instances in which I did invalidate her statements. And when I was conversing with her, I knew that I had to validate what she was saying. When she told me she was having a hard time with everything, I told her that I can totally see and understand why she would feel like that and it is a very stressful situation.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I know you meant well but this is an invalidating statement as well. She feels like things are a mess, so you telling her it'll all be just fine makes it feel like to her that you are not listening to her or paying attention to what she's saying.
I'm not trying to pick on you, for the most part it sounds like you did pretty well in the convo. I just think there are a lot of misunderstandings about what validation is, so I try to help clarify it when I see some hiccups so people will have a better grasp of it moving forward. Validation is all about trying to see things from HER point of view. Trying to understand how what you say affects HER feelings. She may say some really outrageous things that make you want to roll your eyes, but you have to override that and really try to listen and make her feel heard and understood. It's the biggest 180 any of us can make.
This is the part that I need to remember. I need to improve in seeing things from her point of view. I need to remember that "trying to be right" is one of the things that got us into this sitch. Whether she is right or not, I need to continue to look at things from her perspective.
