SORRY to confuse! But you gotta admit, you were already pretty confused.
Look, I know this may be against DB... I don't know... but I do know one thing for sure... we teach people how we want to be treated in life. And then, that's pretty much the way they treat us. I would seriously question any strategy that goes against that principle.
We don't just teach people just with words. We teach people mostly with our BEHAVIOR. So... what are you are "teaching" H about how you expect to be treated as a wife? Just something to mull over.
I hope it's not against the rules to mention other web sites. Dr. Harley has a web site... it's called "Marriage Builders." VERY pro-marriage, anti-D, just like this site. But Harley advocates tons of love and kindness and support WITH setting clear limits for the wayward spouse. The website tells you EXACTLY how to go about doing that. Because you don't just want to keep H around, you want him to stop with the OW!...
Seems to me like DB is more about "preserving the M at all costs" while Marriage Builders is more about preserving the marriage while STOPPING the cheating.
Remember, these are two SEPARATE but related goals, preserving the M, and stopping the cheating. You know what I think? This is probably for sure not a DB approved statement. But, I think the MORE concerned you are about preserving the marriage at all costs, the LESS effective you will be at stopping the cheating. That just strikes me as gut level TRUE.
I am glad you did not get mad at my first note. And I am relieved you do not ML with H when you don't feel like it. Good point that you should not stop ML when he is YOUR H, not hers! It just worried me that he was QUESTIONING this, like he found it unfathomable or possibly looked down on it. That would be bad. There are SOOOO many different ways to look at things. It's CRAZY-MAKING.
That's why I still say, just being yourself without any strategy is not a bad way to go, and maybe the only way not to loose your mind!
