Things have been going well for me. I’ve been doing well checking things off my to-do list. I’ve also been getting out and walking. The weather is starting to get better here so it feels good to get outside.
I’m still working on adapting a healthy diet. I’m trying to force myself to eat breakfast which is tough. I did lose 2 pounds last week, so yay me. However, I know I have to get better at not skipping meals.
I’ve been focused on work and my business. I’ve been really making short term goals that will help me achieve a big goal of becoming financially independent of my H. I want to be able to solely provide for myself with or without him.
Overall, again, I am so happy with the changes that I’m making with myself. I’m becoming a better person and it feels so good. Of course there are still things to work on but I’m slowly chipping away at the old me. At the beginning of this year, my new year goal (I don’t make resolutions) was to become a better version of myself. I’m proud to say, I’m doing just that.
I’ve done so many 180’s and I’ve been consistent with them. I’m sure my H has noticed them but he hasn’t said anything about them. To be honest, that’s just fine with me. I didn’t do them for him, I did them because it was the right thing to do.
As for H, I don’t really see him doing many 180’s. He’s still in the tunnel and imo has been a bit withdrawn for the past week. Not sure why but hey what else is new?
He is doing little things like if I start cleaning the kitchen in the evening, he will come in and help me. When I first started this 180, he wasn’t helping me at all.
I mentioned previously that he started kissing me goodbye in the morning again. Well in the past couple of weeks, he’ll also text me during the day (while we are at work) wishing that I have a good day. That is something that my old husband always did.
So I do see little bits and pieces of the old him but not enough for me to feel like we are turning a corner. He’s still not the loving and affectionate man that I married. I imagine it’s hard to be loving and affectionate when you are no longer in love with your wife. I imagine it’s also hard when you don’t love yourself.
Yesterday I had a thought that made me sad. I thought...maybe just maybe...H has lost it for me just as he said. Maybe he no longer loves me. Sure he cares about me but he doesn’t love me. I’m not sure a M can survive if one partner doesn’t love the other one. I mean he tells me that he loves me. Not daily like he used to but at least once a week. It’s crazy how he used to tell me he loved me everyday and now I hear it once (if I’m lucky) maybe twice a week.
Any who, that’s my update. I’m still thriving and surviving my friends. There are good days and bad days but each day that God wakes me up is a gift!
Last edited by Living; 03/18/1912:45 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
