I suggest you make this one of your primary goals. Working out and eating healthy meals plays a big part in fighting depression. Purposely socializing with people who are happy and who lift your spirits, is another proactive step. Having a support system, and being people who love/like you is important. Finding new adventures, picking up favorite hobbies, going where the people are will help you. Laughter is one of the best medications for depression. Watch funny movies, listen to upbeat music, read self help books. These are things you have to do "on purpose" in your quest to fight depression. You have to consistently seek out the things that build up your soul/spirit, b/c otherwise, it probably won't find its way to you.
I have been listening and reading a lot of self help books. I am eating healthier and have been working out big time. I am doing planks, side planks, push ups, and running. My goal is to have a six pack again by mid-spring. I do need to start laughing more. I have been trying to get around more joyful occasions and forcing myself out. I need to seek happiness instead of dwelling.
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How much of this paragraph is about you, and how much is it about her? Your goals are about Anthony, not your WW. ((hugs))
Although you say you need to work on listening skills, bear in mind that listening and believing are not the same. Yes, she throws a lot of carrots in front of you. That's very typical of WW's, b/c they want the H to be the backup plan just in case plan A doesn't work out. Therefore, she has to say something to make you think there is hope. What works against you, Anthony, is believing what she says. You are like a fish grabbing at every hook she drops in the water. Stop going after the hook, and try to have a nonchalant attitude or thought about her carrots.
So we had a discussion last night. I moved back into the MBR and rearranged the room a little to my liking. Cleaned it and such. I cleaned the dresser that you have to pass to get into the master bath. She arrived to take her shower and see the kids last night. She asked if I moved into the MBR. I said yes and she had to grab her stuff to move to basement bathroom. I kind of forgot that I left only three things on the dresser (it used to be dirty and had all this extra crap just laying there). My workout bag, my bluetooth speaker, and dissolution of marriage template (with child support calculations with it) printed out.
She took a shower while I was finishing up getting supper done and I was about to hand wash dishes. She came up to me and said can we talk. I asked about what. She said the paperwork. I asked her what paperwork (I forgot about it at this time). She just gave me a look. I asked if she wanted to go upstairs and talk (away from the kids). She said yes. I go up to the room and notice the paperwork was no longer on the dresser. She came up soon after and I said what paperwork and she had it in her hands. She asked me why I had the dissolution printed out. I, first, asked her why she was looking through my stuff. She just said she was getting soap from the bathroom and saw it. I didn't respond to that but just said that I am just getting educated on the process.
She said she thought that maybe something happened that made me start wanting to do a divorce or dissolution since the time we decided for S. I said that I am just getting educated on the process since I have been threatened with D a few times. She thought when I said that, that I admitted to threatening her with D. I said no, I have been threatened a few times with D so I decided to get even more educated in the process. I then told her that I am hoping for the best which she stopped and said, evidently not. I said, let me finish, I am hoping for the best, but planning for the worst. I then said based on words and actions, I can see a D is more likely than R. She then said how do you know, it has only been a few days since we decided to S. I just said, "look, I am just getting educated on the process of divorce or dissolution to protect me." She didn't like this response but I kept an even tone throughout the discussion.
She then mentioned her starting to take her first master's class and asked if I wanted her to charge it on my credit card or hers. I said hers. She then mentioned the car she would drive has almost 120K miles on it. I had mentioned at one point of needing to get a new car soon. She said we should look into it. I told her that based on our current relationship status, I do not want to look at that financial situation until I know where we stand. She mentioned that I was the one to bring it up before. I just told her that after thinking it through, it is not something I want to do right now. She then asked what happens if it breaks down. I told her we would have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
She has complained before lately that "I talk to her like I am talking to a co-worker closing a business deal" I am not showing emotion when she gets upset or happy. I just try to keep an even tone. Not sure if that is good or bad on this. She has mentioned this numerous times lately.
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Detaching does seem to be difficult for the LBS to grasp.
I won't put the rest of your stuff in this (loved the message but this pretty much grabs the attention of what I need to do. My BIL has been saying a lot of the same stuff that you have said, Sandi. You assisted him in his growth so it makes sense. LOL
Detaching is hard but as my BIL says, I am still expecting expectations. He said that I need to let go of all expectations. He said it is a gradual process and it will take time. Once I get to that moment where anything she says or does, is not surprising or I set up expectations, that is when I would know that I have detached. I have read the detaching thread a lot but it hit me when you wrote again about the higher power and punishing her. I felt better or at ease last night after reading that. I know detaching is hard but I will continue to try to get out of my head and stick to talking to you guys (love all your support Sandi), BIL and my IC. BIL keeps telling me to focus on me, too much focus is on the WW. It doesn't help that she is across the street. At least eventually she will be down the road about 3 to 4 minutes and not right outside my front window will be better.
My BIL said last nights discussion with the WW was a small victory that I should be proud of. I didn't get upset, angry, have any emotional things. I just laid out my facts and then I went back to doing the dishes. I felt better knowing that I at least let her know that I am preparing for the worst and educating myself on it. I will not be threatened anymore with D.
I do need to start laughing more. I have been trying to get around more joyful occasions and forcing myself out. I need to seek happiness instead of dwelling.