He called me from work, he asked me what he told me when he got home last night. I told him what he said. Then I asked him why he wanted to know? He said that he knows he tells me stuff when he is drunk and he just wanted to know what he said this time. Personally, I know that they talked to each other in the morning. They probably go into a fight about me again last night, but he doesn't remember what happened. So he is asking me how he was acting.
After I told him, he said it is true, he does think about me a lot, but he also thinks about OW a lot too. He said he is very confused, that his head is scrambled. I said yes, like scrambled eggs (trying to keep the conversation light).
He then told me that regardless of what he said, things haven't changed. He told me that he doesn't want me to wait for him, he thinks that is what I am doing. I said no, I am not waiting for him. He said he doesn't know what to do. He told me that he wishes one of us would let him go. I told him that I have already let him go, what more would he like me to do? He said he wants me to find someone else and move on. I told him that when and if I do find someone else it will be my decision, and that it shouldn't matter to him one way or the other.
He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner for our anniversary tonight. I said sure, that would be nice. He said we would talk later. Then he called me again after lunch, for no particular reason.
When I got home, our son wanted to go to the park, he asked me if I still wanted to go out? If it was important to me then we would go out. I said it was okay, that he should take our son to the park and I would make us a nice dinner at home. He said okay, we kissed and they left. The night was kind awkward, he seemed distant, not as touch feely as usual. We ML and then went to sleep.
I think he is pulling back cause of what he told me when he was drunk. I think he is trying to show me that he is not coming back to me and doesn't want me to think that anything has changed. (even though it has gotten better in my mind). I will back off, and continue to validate as much as possible. It is hard to do this cause of his constant questions and negative comments. But actions speak louder than words. And I know his true emotions come out when he is drunk or off his meds. I know that if things keep progressing the following questions will arise, how should I answer them?
-When he says he wishes one of us would let him go.
should I tell him that he is the one that needs to make the decision?
-When he asks me why I still ML with him, knowing that he is also ML with OW?
should I ask him to ask OW that question instead, that she needs to know the whole picture, that he is not being fair to her or me by keeping the truth from her? She is basing her decision to continue this affair on false pretences. (of course she wants to be with him, it's all fun and games, she doesn't know the effect she is having on our family or that he is torn up inside, or that we are still acting like man and wife - I know the truth and I am still here....)
-If he says he knows he should be with me, but doesn't want to hurt her?
