Well, Friday night he went out with her, on Saturday morning I left early to go shopping, I didn't call him. Around 1pm, he calls my cell. He was at home. He said he felt weird, he asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him? I said okay, but that it would take me about 45mins to get home. He got sad and said that it was too long!. He said he would go to work on his brothers place. I said okay, I'll come by there later. When I got there I helped him a bit, then we were lying on the couch and he started kissing me.
We went home and he got in the shower, I said I would be there in a minute, he said 'what for?'. So I got pissed and said 'forget it then.' He called me back but I said no, it was okay, I would shower later on my own. He kept asking me to come there, but I ignored him. Then when he came to the room, I asked him if he was going out? He said yes. I said I was too.
Then he suggested we ML. I said no, I told him that I wasn't going to ML with him knowing that he was going out with her right after. He asked me if I was ever going to ML with him again. I said I don't know. But I told him that if he was going out with me tonight instead then maybe I would have, but whatever. He asked me to sit with him and he hugged me. He told me that he really missed me this morning and that he was sad when I wasn't home cause he wanted to hold me. I told him I am sad everytime I wake up and he isn't there for me to hold. We kissed passionately and then I told him that I miss being with him, he said he misses me too. Then he said to call him if I need to talk to him, I said why, he never answers the phone anyway. He said to leave a message and he'll call right back. I said no, it's okay, I don't want to bother him. Then I told him to lock up the house cause I was leaving now. He said noooo, don't leave yet. I said why? Aren't you leaving to be with her as soon as you are ready? He said yes, so I said 'why should I wait here since you're going out anyways.' I gave him a kiss and left. He looked a bit shaken up.
Around 1am, he came home. I thought I was imagining things, he hasn't come home until morning for the past few months unless Daniel is home. More surprisingly he hadn't drinken anything. He put a 6pack of unopened beer in the fridge.
I was surprised but acted like normal. He told me that he wasn't feeling very well so he came home. I said I hope he feels better. We watched tv, then we ML and went to sleep. Sunday we woke up and we got some breakfast, then we watched the soccer game together. He didn't receive or make any personal phone calls the whole time.
I find this very strange since he bought beer, but never drank it. He came home, no calls to or from OW. He was a bit testy, I could tell he was mad. I asked him what was wrong, he said that he is mad cause I haven't let him go yet. I said okay then, what more would you like me to do? How am I stopping you from doing anything? He said that he can't make personal calls in front of me. I said that is out of respect for me, but you can go outside and call or when you are in your car. I am doing as you asked, so don't blame me for your anger. He said I was right. He told me that sometimes he really enjoys spending time with me, but then after a few days he becomes very irritated and angry with me. I told him that is because he is still mad at me under the surface.
He asked me if I love him, I said yes. Then he asked me when I was going to move on? I told him that it shouldn't matter to him, what difference did it make?
He again told me that he loves me very much and wants me to be happy. He asked if I think he is still in love with me. I said no, I realize that he is not in love with me, but that he does love me deeply. I asked him if he thought the love he had for OW was real? He surprised me and said no, he doesn't really know, but that there are definately elements of love there.
I agreed with him, but said that it takes more than 'romantic love' for a relationship to last.
He said that the 2 of us just fell out of love. I said no, that HE feel out of love with me. I asked him if he understood why?
He said there were many factors, the main one being communication. I said that is right, misunderstanding each others needs and not communicating properly caused resentment to build up inside you. Resentment kills love, and you are still full of resentment towards me. You need to let go of it.
I told him that we have many bonds between us that make our love strong. I said that the love that we used to have can be restored, but it would take hard work. I told him that I am not waiting for him to break up with her. I told him I was just letting him know what I have learned about relationships and feelings, and that things are different between us now, but that it was not irreversable, that we could develop those romantic feelings again one day, once the anger is dealt with.
We went to sleep and he was restless. Monday morning he seemed distant, but wasn't cold. He kissed me goodbye. He called me at work an hour later and was very nice. He told me that he feels bad today. I told him I do too. I told him that I wish I could hug him right now. He said no, that I would make him feel worse if I was there. I said that I was sorry he wasn't feeling well, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him? He said no. He told me that he got the credit card he applied for. I said congrats, but please be careful. He said don't worry, he has learned his lesson and he won't make the same mistake this time. (???) I kept the conversation light and then said goodbye. I forwarded him a funny email I got.
I don't know what has happened between him and OW. Maybe something, maybe nothing? I know I can't have any expectations and I just need to concentrate on me and ignore them. I need to focus on the positives - he came home to me instead of staying with her, he admitted that isn't sure about his feelings for her....
On tuesday morning he called me and told me that he was going out that night instead of wednesday. Our son was going to his cousins house for the evening. He said he told me cause he didn't want me to get upset. I said 'why, cause it's our anniversary wednesday?'. He said 'oh yeah, I forgot about that'. So he meant that he didn't want me to get upset since our son wouldn't be home anyways.
I went home and no-one was there, I felt really lonely, I went over to our cousins house, but no one was home. I called my H to see if he knew where they were. He didn't answer. But he called me back a few minutes later, he told me that they went shopping. I said thanks and goodbye.
He showed up around 1AM - earlier than usual. He had been drinking. He asked me if I stopped loving him yet? I didn't really answer, more like grunted since I was half asleep. He took my answer as a no, then he said that he wanted to tell me something, but since I don't love him anymore, he won't. I told him that I never said that. He came over and hugged me and said:
"I am going to tell you this anyways. Even though I was out with someone else tonight I couldn't stop thinking about you. I heard people laughing, and I thought of you laughing, I heard (not sure what he said), and I thought of you. I kept thinking how happy I would have been if I was out with you instead. I love you so much."
I told him I love you too. We hugged and went to sleep.
I know that he was tipsy, otherwise I don't know if he would have admitted his feelings to me. But I am very happy that he told me this, it shows me that he is starting to think about me when he is with OW, instead of being totally obsessed with her.
Today is our anniversary. I didn't say anything to him, but I bought him a card and left it in his bag. Nothing to
heavy, it's not even an anniversary card, it says that I feel so lucky to have met him, tells him I will never forget him, and thanks him for being there over the years, and creating fond memories.
He just sent me an e-card. It was a teddy bear flying through the air giving hugs. The message said one cute bear hug coming your way. He said "thank you for the card, hope you have a great day, and by the way, happy anniversary."
No I love you's, but still warm and cute, seems he tried to make it casual but acknowledge it at the same time. He followed my lead I guess.
I wonder what will happen today/tonight. I am not expecting anything, I am just glad he won't be out with her.
