Apparently, according to W’s filing, we’ve been separated since January 4th (mentioned in prior post). Well okay then. Maybe this just means I’m that much closer to putting myself back out there for someone else—I’m only half-kidding. Bright side, right?
Emailed L the paperwork late Friday—she won’t be able to do much with it until Monday, so we’ll see. There should be a phone convo in my fairly-immediate future.
I’m still soaking up time with the boys—especially YS. I’ve been carrying him around a lot—he loves that, and like I mentioned yesterday, he wanted me to carry him around while at the library and book sale. YS took a catnap on me late this afternoon while I carried him around. I know I need to cherish these moments more and more. It’s also moments like that that make me feel useful, needed and loved by the boys, but especially by YS.
Whenever we’ve been going out to the store, I’ve been finding myself more and more thinking about the goods in the store from the vantage point of what I would need for my own place / living on my own. At the grocery: what kind of meals could I do for myself, what kinds of home goods would I need? I’ve also been finding myself wondering about stuff at the current residence—what about our plates and silverware (both wedding gifts that I love)—who would get what?
For the upcoming Religious Ed Congress, I signed up for a workshop called ‘Contemplative Dating’ (I mentioned this some time ago). It’s probably more geared to singles, but I’m sure the tactics could also apply in marriage, too. My friend from grad school (I’ll call her FF) who is flying in from Chi-Town to go to the Congress asked me what sessions I’d be going to—I put off the question because I didn’t want to answer questions or spill the beans about my choosing this session. Welp—I’m probably going to have to say something about the session. What, exactly, should I tell her? The truth about W (or STBXW?) and I? Suggestions welcome.
Tomorrow during work? Planning on going for a swim—my prep period leads off the day, and I can take advantage of the time between the faculty meeting and the official beginning time of class (I can gloss over announcements and our student-produced TV segment, as I’m not conducting class).
I’m probably not totally detached, but I’ve just been finding myself pretty much done with W’s snark and sarcasm towards me. I really don’t need her commentary towards me. She has had very little that is kind directed at me for some time—I know in my thread it’s been talked about giving her something to come back to, which I get and I can only focus on what I say and how I respond to her remarks. However, something I do think about, after being on this forum, is the idea that she may be trying to tell me things (that she wants me to do or work on) behind the snark. Of course, I could be wrong about this one. We barely talk to each other, and when she does talk to me, a lot of it is snark and sarcasm and often said in what I perceive as a belittling tone. I’m kinda at the point right now that if it weren’t for the boys, I would have wanted to be done long ago. Of course, I am speaking out of some anger and hurt right now, so maybe that’s not productive.
