I am sorry that I haven't been posting back. I have had trouble detachiing. And I didn't want to post on your sitch until I could look at things for a better point of view. I didn't want my negative to color what I was saying.
Quote: I think he really does want to come back to me but 2 things are stopping him:
1. The OW - she is his escape from reality, all they do is drink together, so now his drinking and his bitch go hand and hand. I know I can't do anything about OW, so I am just letting him be.
2. The anger and resentment he has towards me. I know that he alone has to deal with his feelings. But I can help him realize that he needs to address it. What reasons can I give him to show that it is important to let go of his negative feelings towards me? Is there anything I can suggest he can do to start the healing process?
There is nothing you really can do beside being as suportive as you can be. Any suggustions comeing from you will be you trying to change him,(in his eyes) And that will just make Ow look more tempting. And I really don't know of a way to suggest someone else strat the healing process. But when he does just be there as much as you can.
Quote: When we got home, he suggested we go to a bar for a few drinks. I said sure (it's been almost a month since the 2 of us went out alone just for fun.
That great that yall got out and done something together. Is there anything that yall use to do when you was frist together that is not related to drinking. (maybe see if yall can strat doing that)
Quote: Well, I think it was a good conversation, H asked many of the same questions as before, and I had better answers that validated him. I didn't pursue many of the topics that would cause us to argue. I think he is finally listening/realizing some of the things I have been telling him for the past 3 months. Now that he is starting to open his eyes I will bring up the following things for him to consider (of course only if he initiates the conversation):
It is good that he is relizing that what he has with Ow is not based in realty. And you are doing a great job bitting your tonge and not pursueing the topics that would cause a fuss.
Quote: The next night he was holding me and said that he is spoiling me because we still act like a couple - hugging kissing etc... Next time he says this, I will say that I am spoiling him by taking care of the house, family responsiblities, finances etc... as if we are still married. That he won't be able to do many of the things he likes to do if I am not here...
like that you pointed out what all you take care of in a non-fussing why. (I would love to point out what all my H get by with because I am in the backgoound taking care of things. But it always sounds like I am nagging and trying to start a fight.) I think that if they see that what they have grown to be acustom to is because we are there helping, it might make theam think twice on somethings.
Keep up the great work. You are doing a great job.
