Yes Kitkat, he has always had a problem with drinking, he is not an alcholic, he can go for days/weeks without drinking. But whenever he is 'depressed' he tends to drink a lot. Also, once he starts drinking, he doesn't stop until he is drunk - ie 2 beers turn into 5 beers. I know it makes his depression worse. He tells me he drinks to 'forget'. What he doesn't seem to realize is that it is just a temporary escape, just like his bitch.

On Friday night we went to the harry potter movie with our son. It was nice, we still do everything together as a family that we used to do. He went out with OW that night but said he wasn't going to be out all night, that he would take a cab home if he got drunk. Well, of course he didn't show up until the morning. I was mad at him, he knew that he screwed up again (he is not supposed to let our son see that he stays out all night). He apoligized and told me that he got drunk and fell asleep but came home as soon as he woke up. He was holding me and said 'please just hug your husband right now okay?" So I hugged him back and he said he wished we could hold each other all day. I said me too. (I wanted to say that if he had bothered to come home we could have hugged all night but I didn't)
He said he wished he was still in love with me. I said you and I can be in love again, you were so in love with me before, why not try again? He told me that whenever he thinks about being in love with me again he gets really angry so he doesn't want to try. I told him that he needs to find a way to let go of all the anger and resentment he has inside.
I am glad he told me this cause it confirms that he is still very angry at me inside, also that he has actually tried to think about coming back to me.

We spend the day with our son and other nephews at an amusement park. It was nice. He asked me if I had a good time at the harry potter movie, I said yes, he said me too. Saturday night our son spent the night at his cousins house and H went out with the slut again.

On Sunday, we went to take our son and nephews to the park.
He asked me for a kiss, kept hugging me. We sat together on the bench and he put his arms around me. He asked me who I think he is with when he is not home. I said with her of course, why? isn't she who you are with? He said most of the time. (not sure why he is asking, unless he wasn't with her last night???)

When we got home we took a shower together and ML. He asked me if I would still ML with him when I get a new boyfriend? I said no, that I can't be with 2 people at once. That if I was to be intimate with someone else, it would mean that we were over. He said, but aren't we over now? I said not exactly, that I still love him, and that we are still attached in many ways. He seemed upset at the idea of us not ML anymore.

His bank has been having a major computer problem and thousands of people who have automatic payroll deposit were not paid last week. He was supposed to be paid on Friday, but he wasn't. We talked about how awful it was for people who needed their paycheck not having any money for the weekend. He agreed and said he was in the same boat. I said no, that he has credit cards, and he has me too. He looked at me and said I was right, that I am still there for him, even after everything he has done. He said he knows that I haven't stopped loving him yet, that I am such a good person. He said he is so sorry for putting me through this. I said I know you are sorry. We hugged.

As I changed my clothes he commented that I have sexy clothes now, and that I would make some guy really happy. I said I know I will. He said I wouldn't dress this way for him before. I told him that I didn't have the body to dress like this until now, that I did dress nicely when I was with him but it didn't look as good.
I know that he is angry at me for making all these changes NOW, instead of before.

We went out for a cigarette, he told me that he feels sad today. I said I didn't like when he was sad. He said he is always sad anyways so today was no different. I said I know. He said he is F%#$ed up. I said I know. He looked at me and said what do I mean by saying that I know? I said I know you are F$^$^#ed up right now, I left it at that. He couldn't sleep, said he was going to watch TV on the couch and would come to the room if he got sleepy. I said okay, goodnight. He came about 1 hour later.

This morning he told me that we should stop hugging so much. I said okay and just continued getting ready for work.

I don't know how things are going with OW, I am just acting as if, and trying to DB. I can't detach properly, but at least on the surface I try to act like I am letting him go.

I think he really does want to come back to me but 2 things are stopping him:

1. The OW - she is his escape from reality, all they do is drink together, so now his drinking and his bitch go hand and hand. I know I can't do anything about OW, so I am just letting him be.

2. The anger and resentment he has towards me. I know that he alone has to deal with his feelings. But I can help him realize that he needs to address it. What reasons can I give him to show that it is important to let go of his negative feelings towards me? Is there anything I can suggest he can do to start the healing process?