Yes - I think he is trying, and he is not able to do more than he is doing. I've been in IC for two years, figuring out what to do about myself and the marriage, and a lot of the self-reflection stuff is more comfortable for me, and totally alien to him. And yes, he has lots of reasons not to trust me. It's very true that during the summer, when I did 'try' to do the things he'd asked for, I'd immediately expect a warm and loving response, and when that wasn't forthcoming, get really upset and sad or angry about it. We've both been dancing around this for a long time. And it's also true that he finds it incredibly difficult to receive things from anyone - it's a problem with him, not with me - that sabotaging me bringing him coffee then complaining to the MC about it was a massive eye-opener for me (more than the EA, weirdly enough) at how dysfunctional our dynamic was.
Hurry. Well. I am not sure. Partly because I have been in IC two years, have been miserable in my marriage (and I am glad that marriage is dead - even though I miss the man he was before things started to go wrong) for a long time, and because I am afraid of being in a position where I am servicing his needs while he's still too afraid or withdrawn to even consider mine. I really really fear being 'stuck' in that position. That's something I need to think about more, and talk about more in IC - and at the moment I am nowhere near making a decision.
I know him to be a man who makes excuses and evades self-reflection and making change. And he's been doing that for years. And I don't know for sure - but as others have pointed out - however real this work stress is (and it is real) it is also another excuse not to look at himself and make changes. And I can buy that for now and give him the benefit of the doubt. But if, when the work stuff is done, he is still not ready to even start doing the work (and I'd need to think about what that would look like for me) then I think I've waited long enough and accepted too many of his excuses already. Who knows - in a few months time I may not even be interested myself anymore, and while that is scary, I am entertaining it as a possibility.
