Yes, I think you're right, our husbands also don't want to be in a cold relationship or to be alone. Nobody really does! I feel like this separation was dh's last ditch effort to get my attention, to tell me how miserable he was before (but without telling me) and to have a better marriage.
I wrote him lots of letters at the start, but they were all too over emotional. When I've asked for things it has tended to be via text. Maybe because it's hard to do that stuff in person. I feel like sometimes we're warmer to each other via text, I'm not sure that's healthy really. But yes, maybe a letter might work now I'm calmer.
You're right, sex is a big hurdle, and maybe you're right about the small steps. I feel like he feels if we have sex it'll be because it's all back on, and he's not willing to go there yet. A snog would be great but I feel like he has to initiate that or at least give the physical signals that he'd welcome it. Hmm. There isn't much I can do about that, I can't force him to snog me unfortunately!
He grew up not poor, but in a family where his dad lost a decent job when dh was young. Then his mum was the main breadwinner but she spent all the money on the garden and on herself (she bought expensive clothes while the kids had handmedowns, and she had a Porsche with no proper back seats despite having a family of 5!) So he's always been cautious with money. The work: it feeds his ego for sure. He enjoys working with clever people. He likes to feel like a good boss doing his best for his people. I also don't feel like it aligns with his values really though, he's mostly making other people and himself money. But he doesn't know what else he could do with his life, there might even be too many possible options in a way. He's also used to working relentlessly for decades and I think he might be terrified of being bored and without purpose if he retires.
