(karenp - I think you confused me with Lostlove, I hadn't responded to your posts before... but thanks for reading mine, the confusion is driving me crazy too)
Update - nothing spectacular, some improvements, some discouragement. On the weekend, he went out with her, then he called me and told me to pick up some beer for him cause he was going to stay home. I said okay, didn't pry as to why. Then he calls back a couple of hours later and says he is actually going to go drinking at a bar instead. (obviously with OW) - TOTALLY pissed me off. I didn't tell him off like I wanted to, I just said sure whatever. I think maybe he got in a fight with her, was going to come home, but then stayed with her.
The next day I went out, he came home earlier than usual, called me to see if I was coming home. I said yeah I'll be there in a bit. I took my time instead of rushing home. When I got there, he told me that he missed me. He said he feels really bad for me, that he goes out while I am alone. He said I need to find a 'boyfriend' so that I can be happy again. I again told him that I don't need someone to make me happy, and that I am not going to rush into anything.
He hugged me and then we ended up ML. He mentioned that the new medicine has really cut down on his sex drive.
He was fixing stuff in the backyard and I asked him why was he doing all this stuff considering our sitch? (meaning that we would have to sell the house if we split)
He looked sad and said that he figured we will be living here for a while anyways. I said yes, but I don't know if it's a good idea to invest money into the house. He looked at me and asked me if I still wanted us to try to be together again? I said of course I would love the chance to start over with you. He didn't respond.
He told me that he is not 'happy' anymore on the new meds.
I said that on the old meds he felt numb, emotionless, does he mean that he feels more emotion now with the new ones?
He said kind of, that he feels very anxious now, that he is more worried.
That night he told me that he was going to sleep on the couch, that we shouldn't ML anymore cause that just makes me stay in love with him. I said that is not why I love you, but okay. He started off on the couch but came to the room after an hour or so. Sometime during the middle of the night, he started kissing me and woke me up. We ended up ML again.
The next day, I asked him if I could go the gym with him on the guest pass. (he had suggested this before) He said sure. We went together and he started showing me all the different equipment and what exercises to do etc.. It was nice, and I think he was kind of excited to share this part of his world with me. He told me that if I want, I could get a membership and that he could be like my trainer. I told him I would think about it. I have decided to join, it will give us another connection besides our son. It is something he enjoys to do, it will help me lose weight and get in shape, and be another thing that OW is not a part of....
On monday night he mentioned that he was going to sleep on the couch, but in the end, didn't even bother going there.
He asked me why I go to the divorcebuster website? When am I going to accept it and let him go? I told him that I have already let him go, what did he think I was doing?
He said it was going to be hard for me if he moves out and doesn't sleep here anymore, that I am going to be sad. I told him that he already spends half the week sleeping somewhere else, that I am already dealing with that
sadness now. He just hugged me.
Yesterday after work, he asked me what did I think was going to happen to us? I said I don't know. He asked
if I thought we were going to get back together. I said
I don't think so, I think he is going to leave me.
He said he has already 'left me' now, but he means in the future. I told him I don't have any plans or anything, I asked him what he thinks will happen, he said he doesn't know either.
He got sad and told me that I shouldn't have let him fall out of love with me. I told him I know, that I am sorry.
I told him that I learned on this website that the reason some marriages get into trouble is because their emotional needs weren't being met. I told him that I didn't understand what his emotional needs were. I tried to make him happy based on MY needs, thinking that by doing things for him that bring ME happiness, he would realize how much I love him. But that I was wrong.
He asked me what did I think he needed from me. I told him a few of the needs in him that I recognize now, and the way I failed to meet them. I told him that we didn't communicate properly in the past. He hugged me. It was a good talk.
I got an upsetting call from my mother, she has extremely high blood pressure and the docs told her she is in danger of having a stroke. This is all out of the blue, my mom was very upset, thinks she is going to die. The doc told her to avoid stress as much as possible. GREAT!! I was thinking of telling my parents about my sitch in 1 month, after my bro's wedding. How can I tell her now? This will kill her (literally). My H seen I was upset and came over and comforted me. I told him that I can't tell my parents yet cause of my mom's health, he agreed.
He also talked about finances, says that he has no money, that he wants to pay off our debt asap. He said that he may get a part time job to get extra cash. (yeah, because he racked up the 1 credit card he has by going out with OW, and he spends his 2 week spending allowance in less then 2 days out with OW. I have always been in charge of money, I gave him a budget to follow and he is having problems keeping up...)
Well, I guess the expense of being in lala land is starting to become a problem!
Later when we went to sleep, he told me that he wishes he still loved me, I said me too. He asked me what I would do if we stopped ML for a few months - would I find another guy to do that with? I said no, that I am not like that, I don't need to go out looking for sex. He said okay.
(this is the third time he has talked about me having sex with someone else - he is constantly telling me to date someone else, not to wait for him, however he did tell me to let him know if I acutally had sex with another. Another time he mentioned that if I start dating someone, eventually they are going to want to sleep with me, what will I do?
Now he is asking me what I will do if we stop ML.)
I know my H, he is very jealous, it was actually a problem in the beginning of our R. I know that if I actually slept with someone else, our marriage would be over, he could never get over it (irony huh). I think although he is telling me to move on, he really is scared that I will, cause he knows that will be the end of us....
Well, he is going out with her tonight. I also just realized that our 3rd wedding anniv. is in 2 weeks, on the day of the week that he goes out with her. I wonder if he will remember? I wonder if he will still go with her?
I am not looking forward to it.
