Those sound like small positive steps FS! Glad you're feeling better, it makes things so much brighter.
I can identify with the people thing, I'm always chatting to strangers and love nothing more than being in a group of people I know. You're right, it is attractive. What I'm coming to realise though is how it can make my dh feel shut out and unloved. So when we go out together now I will talk to people but keep it short and try my best to bring him into conversations if I'm with friends. I realise that I distance my dh unintentionally even with complete strangers. And also that he's jealous of me going off and doing stuff with my friends without him, and maybe jealous of me enjoying chatting to random people when he finds that hard, so I have to see things from his perspective.
Anyway, I say that as I know you're a distancer, and having realised that distancers can use other people to distance, I'm concluding that being gregarious is not always a positive thing for a relationship. It has to be a balance. It is attractive, but I think it can make the pursuer spouse feel anxious and rejected and unloved. They do say that differences which attract you at the start of a relationship turn into the biggest problems during the relationship! And now I think 'if I'm chatting happily to someone, what is my husband doing and how is he feeling right now?' And now I'm going to make an effort to check in on him regularly and draw him in instead of being a social butterfly, because I think in the past I've not been considerate of how he's felt while I've been off having fun without him. I don't know if any of that strikes a chord with you, we're all different so maybe not.
Anyway, the banter is a very positive sign, I read something recently that it's impossible to be both fearful and playful. And playful is a lot more fun than fearful! I hope you continue having more positive interactions and warm things up between you.
