Thanks guys. I am feeling much better now. The world looks brighter now I'm not seeing it through the fog of illness.
Good couple of days. The girls and I had a nice Friday night. We stayed in, made popcorn and all watched a film together (Avengers). D9 fell asleep next to me on the sofa, which was actually kind of sweet. I love having the girls home.
I took the girls into town for lunch yesterday, and in the interest of being less cold with him, I rang (not text) him on the way in to say where we would be if he wanted to join us. Unfortunately he didn't pick up and I ended up texting. He replied about half an hour later to say that he was at the gym and didn't have his phone. I could, if I wanted to go running down the tunnels, theorize on whether this is true or not (when we were together his phone was never more than an arms length away) but I will not. I think he was probably telling the truth. After lunch, D9 had a rehearsal for her school talent show so H and I did swap over at the school hall. I was smiley and bouncy, making a big effort to be super friendly to the other mums who were there. He heard me tell one of the other mums to text if she wanted to come round for a cup of coffee later that afternoon.
One of the things my H found attractive at the start was how people were drawn to me. He use to say that whenever we went out, he could always count on me holding court, a bunch of people clustered around me, in some corner of the room. He lost site of this (it was always just us and the children) and I wanted him to remember. Eventually I said, there was no point in both of us hanging around for the hour, and I was going to head off. I told him he could come round and pick up D9's costume after the rehearsal or bring them back before the show and D9 could get ready at home. I said I might be there or I might not be but he was welcome to come round.
He brought them back to get ready about an hour and a half before the show. I had just finished giving myself a home spa (aka a long bath with candles, chill out music and a face mask) and was getting ready. He came in and we got the girls ready together. It was nice. We talked a bit, not about us, never about us, but conversation was easy. D12 asked if my friends came round, and I said, only one and we just had coffee and a quick chat. We all then went to the show where we met his mum. I was still in full super friendly mode and made a big deal of not having seen her lately and that I had been unwell but would try and be around more. She too asked about whether I had had a nice afternoon with my girlfriends. As H was the only one who heard me say someone was coming over, and both D12 and MIL mentioned it I can only assume he mentioned it to them. He is listening !!!!
I made a joke during the show about how this year, I would go at half time as it was my turn (he left at half time last year to go out with his mates). He laughed and said "You don't have a car". Normally this would have been a sore point for both of us, neither of us like to mention his "escape period". But this time, he wasn't being aggressive or mean, it was just banter. Also, we sat next to each other. Normally he sits as far away from me as possible. Bit like urinals. We always just choose to take the seat furthest away from one another. But we sat next to each other and even occasionally spoke.
When the show was over they all came back to the house for a cup of tea. It was quite late and D12 said she'd rather stay at home then go to his flat for the evening - she said it was pointless as they would just go there to sleep and then come back in the morning to pick me up for football and why couldn't she just stay here. She wasn't moaning, just stating a fact. He looked at me and said "you'll have to ask mummy, she might be going out tonight". Again, not an accusation, just an I don't want to speak for your mum as she probably has plans. This kind of made me realize he thinks I am always out and this is probably why he never asks me to join them anymore. He doesn't want to pry. When he asked D9 what she wanted to do, D9 also said it made more sense to stay at home. I told him he was welcome to stay too but he said that he didn't have any clothes for the next day. So he left at half eleven and was back again at 9 (for football).
Today we all went to football and again, the conversation was easy and friendly. He left today saying, "Right, am going the flat to watch a netflix boxset". Not sure why he shared this, but assume so that I know he too isn't going out. We talked about the boxset he intends to watch and then he left.
Anyway, it was a good couple of days. I am not reading too much into it. I have to keep my expectations low and just be glad that we are talking again.
