If you were going to let your guard down, what would that look like in this context? And what are your fears, specifically?
I wonder if just thinking that through and considering your options might help you here?
And thinking about a list of specific changes you want to see in the short term - by July, let's say? Not as an ultimatum 'if we don't start up a sexual relationship again I am divorcing you' but just ways you can see that things are moving in the right direction.
It's strange he is thinking about his financial plans for retirement as if he's not going to get divorced. He doesn't seem to have much fear of losing you. Maybe he needs to start feeling that fear.
