Yes, there have been positive changes, definitely. But although those have caused more warmth between us he still feels very protected. I don't know whether maybe I need to let my guard down first a bit maybe so he can reciprocate. I am scared probably, yes. And I agree that pressuring might not help. Though the changes I've asked for he has stepped up and given me (I didn't need to threaten to go NC to get the hugs, and he does give me proper hugs most times we say goodbye now).
I think in April once his very busy time is over and we've had some time away on holiday for a few days I might ask if we could meet up more often, or have him stay overnight more. I don't think there's much point before then because he's very stressed and tired and maybe time alone is the only way he can cope with work. His job: he keeps talking about only being there a couple more years by which time he has enough money to retire (assuming he stays married!) I would probably be ok with him living in his flat for a couple of years if I could visit him regularly and he could come home at weekends, if I knew it was relatively short term. I can't ask him to give up his job, he has to come to terms with doing something else by himself, I can see that's hard for him.
I think I'll wait for him to be less stressed in April, then broach the subject of spending more time together, and if he refuses or seems reluctant then in May I will go NC to show him what actually being divorced is like. I don't think he'd like it...
I think both of us are longing for some intimacy but we don't know how to get there right now or how get there from here. I don't want to be just friends. Something to talk to my IC about...
I had a fun morning out with my friends today, lots of laughter and chat. Dh went cycling with a colleague and rang me on his drive back to ask how my race went, which was nice.
