I'm not surprised you feel despondent. I know you've noticed that there are positive changes that your H has been making, but they've been slow, and he's still uncommunicative and it seems, wanting to have everything his own way. Hi refusing to let you into his flat - even after six months - suggests he's still in full on protective mode and isn't wiling to take the risk to get even the tiniest bit closer. I suppose you could press him for more time together and to get into MC or something, but if he only did it out of fear of losing you or as a response to pressure, then those aren't heartfelt changes that are likely to stick.
I know you said earlier that sometimes you felt that H's work wasn't compatible with marriage. Or at least, the type of marriage that you want. Is his work and the way he goes about it likely to change at any point?
Is it fear that holds you back from putting all this on the table with him? When you decided you wanted him to hug you properly and you were prepared to go NC if he wasn't able to meet that need, did you tell him that, or wasn't it necessary?
You mentioned his fear of losing you, or of being abandoned. I wonder if - either soon, or in May, the time is coming for you to step back. Not to abandon him, but to let him experience the reality of a life where he chooses to put all his energy into work and none into his emotional connections with his wife and - it seems - his children. I guess it would be frightening to try that out, but if you did, he'd have to know what his life would look and feel like if he carries on the way he is doing, and that might help both of you get to the point where you're able to make clearer decisions?
I understand your frustrations. I'm in a similar place to you though there's plenty more work I want to do for myself and on myself before I am ready to make a decision about moving on. I know I want to be married and have a partner who I can support and who wants to support and be close to me. At the moment that isn't possible because of who I am and who he is. When I feel it is possible for me, I will look again. If it's still not possible with him, then i think I will have to move on - as much as it will hurt - because I've already spent a long time being lonely in my marriage and I don't plan to sign up for years of the same while being married only on paper.
