Quote: He made a rude comment and I replied for him to ask his whore. He then told me that OW is not a whore, and not to call her names or judge her cause I don't know her. I flipped. I told him that I am his wife and that him and OW have things backwards. She knew you were married that's enough, then I told him he was right I shouldn't judge her, that God would be her judge.
I left for a cigarette. How dare he tell me not to think of her as a slut!! What does he expect? that I would think she is a good person? whatever. I try not to call her names or mention her cause I know it's bad d'bing, but he is one who brought her up.
Don't beat yourslef up to bad over a little slip up. Youo are only human and it is hard not to feel what you are feeling. When I am feeling low I can't help but think of the Ow as H's whore. But if you think it try not to speak it. It will help in the long run.
Quote: He asked if I would be mad at him and OW if we got divorced? I told him that if we end up divorced because of OW, I will never forgive him or be his friend. He asked what if we just get divorced cause of us? I said that if the 2 of us decided to try to be a couple again and things didn't work out, then I wouldn't be mad because at least I would know that we tried and did everything we could to save our marriage. He was quiet.
Maybe that bit of info. will get H to think. I don't know if all the R talks are following DB but that is just a guide line. You are doing a great job at anwser H questions thruthfuly and not placing blame. Keep up the great work.
Quote: Does he mean that it is too late for us? (too much damage) Does he mean he doesn't want to let her go, that he loves her too much? Does he mean that he wants to be with me but feels obligated to her?
I am at a loss as to what to say to him when he says "there is someone else now, what I am supposed to do?"
What should I say? should I question what he means by that? I don't want to assume what he means cause then I could backslide.
Try not to read to much into your talks. Reading between the lines is something that no one needs to do. And try not to assume anything as a friend use to say when you assume something you make an a@@ out of u and me. (that is how I learned to spell the word corrcetly and learned to try and stop assumeing things).
If it seems that H is asking for your help, tell him that he needs to answer the questions and go form there. But if it seems that he askes as in a retroicaly question, don't say anything and try not to read betwwen the lines.
Quote: Then I told him that I was going to sleep and I would talk to him in the morning, he stopped me, came to the room and we ML. Then he hugged me and we went to sleep. So less than 5 minutes after he says we should stop acting like a couple, he does the opposite....
That must be very confusing and painful for you. (I mean painful as in not knowing WTH is going on and not knowing how tho act.) But look at it as a good sign that he is confused and still needs to be with and near you.
Quote: feel better about us cause I think he actually heard what I have been trying to tell him about our R and his R with OW. I feel better cause he really wanted to know how I feel, and he was more open with his fears and thoughts as well. I feel better cause he agreed with me about a lot of things in our sitch. HOWEVER, I am very discouraged because I thought that once he actually listened and agreed with me, that he would maybe give some sign of ending things with OW or at least admit that divorce wasn't the only path we would take. Instead he is still telling me to move on with my life, not to wait for him.... (I told him I am not, but really I am not looking for anyone else cause I still love him...)
Keep looking at what is making you feel postive. And try not to focus on the negtive. Try to rember the healing process happens very S L O W L Y. and the things that we wish would happen has to take time. And as long as you are really working on the marriage don't look for anyone else. Like you told H happniess comes form within. That is something everyone needs to hear at times.
