He went with her on Wednesday, called twice and told me that he was coming home, but didn't show up for a couple more hours. I checked his phone and saw he was calling her on the phone, she also left him a text message telling him that she was home now, and that she loved him with all her heart, please believe her???? I guess they got in another fight since he didn't drive her to her home.
Anyways, yesterday after work I got home and he was in a good mood. We hung out and did some work in the backyard.
He made a rude comment and I replied for him to ask his whore.
He then told me that OW is not a whore, and not to call her names or judge her cause I don't know her. I flipped.
I told him that I am his wife and that him and OW have things backwards. She knew you were married that's enough, then I told him he was right I shouldn't judge her, that God would be her judge.
I left for a cigarette. How dare he tell me not to think of her as a slut!! What does he expect? that I would think she is a good person? whatever. I try not to call her names or mention her cause I know it's bad d'bing, but he is one who brought her up.
He told me that he was going to sleep on the couch tonight. He said he thinks it's better FOR ME, if we start acting separated like we are supposed to be. I said are you doing this for me, or because of OW?? I told him that we are still married, if we want to hug, kiss, ML etc... we have every right to. If OW has a problem with it, then maybe she should find someone who isn't married. I said why does she get mad that we live here together, she wants one of us to move out? She doesn't care what effect that will have on our son? I told him that I feel like I am being treated like the OW. He said that isn't true that neither of us is the OW (not sure what he means by that)
He said he wanted to know what I was thinking, what was my plan? I told him I don't have a plan, I am just taking care of myself.
He asked me if I still have hope for us? I said I will always have hope, but I am not sitting here waiting for you. He told me that I should start looking for a boyfriend. I again told him that I don't need a man to be happy, that happiness comes from within. I told him that my whole world revolved around him the past 5 years, I need to find myself again and do things that make ME happy.
He said okay, but that I should move on and not wait for him or anything like that. I said okay.
He asked me what was going to happen in 2 months, was I going to move out? I said no, why should I move out? He said aren't we going to tell everyone that we are separated? Won't that mean the end of us? I said he can tell his family, but they already know anyways. I told him I will tell my family when I feel like it.
(I don't like the fact he thinks that in 2 months it will be 'over for real'???)
He asked if I would be mad at him and OW if we got divorced?
I told him that if we end up divorced because of OW, I will never forgive him or be his friend. He asked what if we just get divorced cause of us? I said that if the 2 of us decided to try to be a couple again and things didn't work out, then I wouldn't be mad because at least I would know that we tried and did everything we could to save our marriage. He was quiet.
After he told me that he wishes that he hadn't gotten himself into this mess, that he is really sorry for hurting me and that he wants me to be happy. I told him I want him to be happy too, but that I really don't think he will find it this way. He asked why I think that?
I told him that of course things are good now, all you guys do is have fun, fun, fun. If money was no object for us, and we had no responsibilities we would be the happiest couple in the world. But that isn't reality. You don't have to deal with any stress with her.
I also told him that his R with OW is based on a lie (he told me that himself), and that he is continuing to lie to her about us, what kind of R is that? He looked surprised and then said I was right.
Then I said what will happen to them when she finds out he has been lying the whole time? He asked me if I was going to call her and tell her? I said no, but she will find out from your family or if she asks me, unless you plan on hiding her away for the rest of her life. Don't you think she deserves to know the truth, to know what the real situation is? He got sad and said he really screwed everything up.
I just hugged him and told him that what really frustrates me is that NOW we both know what went wrong in our R, what mistakes we both made, and how to fix them. I know that if we were to try again we could be as happy as we were at the beginning, only better because we know and understand each other's needs much better now. But now there is this other person involved. He said 'I know, that's exactly the problem'.
What does he mean?? He agrees that we are both to blame for our R problems, He agrees that he is at fault for being with OW. He is sorry for hurting me, agrees that we understand each other etc...wishes that none of this happened.. BUT then says that there is someone else now, what can he do? This is where we get stuck in our R conversations.
Does he mean that it is too late for us? (too much damage)
Does he mean he doesn't want to let her go, that he loves her too much?
Does he mean that he wants to be with me but feels obligated to her?
I am at a loss as to what to say to him when he says "there is someone else now, what I am supposed to do?"
What should I say? should I question what he means by that? I don't want to assume what he means cause then I could backslide.
He told me that we shouldn't kiss, ML anymore or hug etc... He said that it just makes me stay in love with him. I asked him why he still does those things with me. He said he likes to ML with me, and that he wants to comfort me cause I am hurting. I said 'are you sure that you just do these things for me?' he didn't answer.
Then I told him that I was going to sleep and I would talk to him in the morning, he stopped me, came to the room and we ML. Then he hugged me and we went to sleep. So less than 5 minutes after he says we should stop acting like a couple, he does the opposite....
I feel better about us cause I think he actually heard what I have been trying to tell him about our R and his R with OW. I feel better cause he really wanted to know how I feel, and he was more open with his fears and thoughts as well. I feel better cause he agreed with me about a lot of things in our sitch. HOWEVER, I am very discouraged because I thought that once he actually listened and agreed with me, that he would maybe give some sign of ending things with OW or at least admit that divorce wasn't the only path we would take. Instead he is still telling me to move on with my life, not to wait for him.... (I told him I am not, but really I am not looking for anyone else cause I still love him...)
I know he is going with her tonight. I hope they get in a fight again....
