Well, last night he was trying to goad me into an argument, he made some comments and was not very friendly. I didn't react at all. Part of me wanted to scream at him cause I didn't do anything from the time we talked in the morning until the evening. I did nothing to set him off, it wasn't fair.
But I know where it is coming from, he is still resentful of my past actions, he is also mad at me cause I have made all these changes AFTER we 'separated' instead of while we were together. I think he may be angry at himself too, cause he can't let go of me. I realize where his anger is coming from so I just validate and don't react. It worked.
He stopped being a jackass.
He was hugging and kissing me, then made the comment that if OW knew he was hugging me she would be mad. I had to bite my tongue from saying anything. He knew I wanted to comment, and even said, 'go on, say it'. I said no, I didn't want to say anything.
He asked me (again) why I have made all these changes now? I told him cause I was dumb and blind before. He said no, that it was his fault too cause he didn't communicate properly.
Later, he asked me if, after we are completely separated, if I would be uncomfortable running into him. I said I don't know, but I was upset. He asked me why am I upset? I said 'do you expect me to be happy about it?'. He said no, then he said this situation is making him nuts.
He went to take a shower, he asked me why I was sad, I said because it bothers me that he can talk about us being apart as if it doesn't matter. He said it does matter, but even though it makes me sad, that doesn't mean that it won't happen. I didn't say anything, then he asked me to take a shower with him, I said okay. He hugged me and told me that I can find another guy and be happy. I told him that I don't need a guy to make me happy, that happiness comes from within, that people just add to your own happiness. I told him that I know I could find a guy no problem, but that wouldn't make me feel any better about our sitch.
I told him that I am sorry for causing him any pain. And that I know he is still mad at me for the past. He said no, that he is not mad at me, that HE is the one who has gone and done THAT (meaning OW). He asked me if I still hate OW. I said yes, of course I do. She is the reason we are separated. He said that wasn't true. I said of course it is, she is NOT the reason we had problems in our marriage, but she IS the reason you wanted to separate from me, you told me that you needed to see if you could be happy with her otherwise you would always wonder what if.
He shut up cause he knew that it was true.
After he came to the room and we went to sleep. This morning he asked me if I was still sad. I said no.
He just called me at work just to say hi???
he used to call me all the time, but recently stopped.
I think that he feels guilty for lying to OW about our sitch. I think he feels he needs to sleep on the couch, not ML etc... to be 'true' to her and what he believes he 'feels'. I mean how can he be 'in love' with OW, but still be so attached to me? I think he is trying to convince himself, but it is not working.... yesterday he still asked me to shower with him, still slept in our room. This morning he called me at work.
Should I continue to be patient? I am getting scared because I think he may push for a real separation just so he doesn't have to lie to OW, and to convince himself that we are over. Should I tell him that he needs to be honest with OW, that he isn't being fair to either one of us, that she has a right to know what is going on, and what effect their A is having on our family?
(I think if she knew the absolute truth she would back off).
Or should I just continue to db and take care of myself, as he gets closer and closer to her????
Sorry I havn't kept up with posting. I didn't want to post while I was on pain meds.
You are doing a great job. BoldNBeautiful is right your are one strong women. I know I would be able to handle the questions that H ask you.
You are doing the right thing of looking at the sitch. And seeing where the anger is coming form instead of reacting to the anger. And I belvie you done the right thing and didn't say what is on your mind when H bourght up Ow. Sometimes biting your tongue is the best couse of action.
Quote: He went to take a shower, he asked me why I was sad, I said because it bothers me that he can talk about us being apart as if it doesn't matter. He said it does matter, but even though it makes me sad, that doesn't mean that it won't happen. I didn't say anything, then he asked me to take a shower with him, I said okay. He hugged me and told me that I can find another guy and be happy. I told him that I don't need a guy to make me happy, that happiness comes from within, that people just add to your own happiness. I told him that I know I could find a guy no problem, but that wouldn't make me feel any better about our sitch.
That was the perfect thing to say when asked about your changes. And a great way to point out that you are not looking for OM. I belive the reason H wants you to find someone else is so he won't feel so guilty about what he is doing.
Quote: He just called me at work just to say hi??? he used to call me all the time, but recently stopped.
YES!!! I am so glad that some of the little things or showing up again. That has to be a great sign of a baby step.
Quote: Should I continue to be patient? I am getting scared because I think he may push for a real separation just so he doesn't have to lie to OW, and to convince himself that we are over. Should I tell him that he needs to be honest with OW, that he isn't being fair to either one of us, that she has a right to know what is going on, and what effect their A is having on our family? (I think if she knew the absolute truth she would back off).
Or should I just continue to db and take care of myself, as he gets closer and closer to her????
I really don't know how to anwser these question. The only thing I can come up with is: You know you and H better than anyone else. Take a look at each option and think really hard. Ask yourself (about each option.) Would this bring me closer or farther a way form my gaols. Then go form there.
I would be so sure that if Ow knew what effect the affair was haivng on the family would cause her to back off. She knew he was married and that yall are still married. And she hasn't backed off yet.
There is a post up in other Mariage Busted forum I think will help you feel a little better. (Sorry I don't know how to thread it but I wiil give you the name.) I belive it is the second one. It is called treesa2's story. I belive the mondiator pasted it there.
I am getting better at holding my tongue, at least when I first feel the impulse to say something. I wait until I have calmed down and then decide if I should talk about it or not.
I don't necessarily think OW will back off for the right reasons, but I KNOW it will cause a lot of problems for them which could lead to her getting fed up and telling H to get lost. They are still in the early phase of a R, if she knew the truth, she may decide to get out while she can. And if she decides to stay she will start acting desperate and controlling, which will cause H to leave her.
They are already fighting about our living situation, and she doesn't even know the half of it. I am sure she doesn't know that my H's mom wants to spit in her face. His mom will always live with my H, so OW is in for a great home life if they stay together...
I was so right about him living in fantasy land with her, they just eat and party all the time, money/budgets are not considered, his family is not considered, his obligations are not considered. It's just fun, fun, fun. And there is no conflict (other than me) cause she has no clue what's going on in the real world. He is keeping everything from her. Total denial.....
He went with her on Wednesday, called twice and told me that he was coming home, but didn't show up for a couple more hours. I checked his phone and saw he was calling her on the phone, she also left him a text message telling him that she was home now, and that she loved him with all her heart, please believe her???? I guess they got in another fight since he didn't drive her to her home.
Anyways, yesterday after work I got home and he was in a good mood. We hung out and did some work in the backyard.
He made a rude comment and I replied for him to ask his whore.
He then told me that OW is not a whore, and not to call her names or judge her cause I don't know her. I flipped.
I told him that I am his wife and that him and OW have things backwards. She knew you were married that's enough, then I told him he was right I shouldn't judge her, that God would be her judge.
I left for a cigarette. How dare he tell me not to think of her as a slut!! What does he expect? that I would think she is a good person? whatever. I try not to call her names or mention her cause I know it's bad d'bing, but he is one who brought her up.
He told me that he was going to sleep on the couch tonight. He said he thinks it's better FOR ME, if we start acting separated like we are supposed to be. I said are you doing this for me, or because of OW?? I told him that we are still married, if we want to hug, kiss, ML etc... we have every right to. If OW has a problem with it, then maybe she should find someone who isn't married. I said why does she get mad that we live here together, she wants one of us to move out? She doesn't care what effect that will have on our son? I told him that I feel like I am being treated like the OW. He said that isn't true that neither of us is the OW (not sure what he means by that)
He said he wanted to know what I was thinking, what was my plan? I told him I don't have a plan, I am just taking care of myself.
He asked me if I still have hope for us? I said I will always have hope, but I am not sitting here waiting for you. He told me that I should start looking for a boyfriend. I again told him that I don't need a man to be happy, that happiness comes from within. I told him that my whole world revolved around him the past 5 years, I need to find myself again and do things that make ME happy.
He said okay, but that I should move on and not wait for him or anything like that. I said okay.
He asked me what was going to happen in 2 months, was I going to move out? I said no, why should I move out? He said aren't we going to tell everyone that we are separated? Won't that mean the end of us? I said he can tell his family, but they already know anyways. I told him I will tell my family when I feel like it.
(I don't like the fact he thinks that in 2 months it will be 'over for real'???)
He asked if I would be mad at him and OW if we got divorced?
I told him that if we end up divorced because of OW, I will never forgive him or be his friend. He asked what if we just get divorced cause of us? I said that if the 2 of us decided to try to be a couple again and things didn't work out, then I wouldn't be mad because at least I would know that we tried and did everything we could to save our marriage. He was quiet.
After he told me that he wishes that he hadn't gotten himself into this mess, that he is really sorry for hurting me and that he wants me to be happy. I told him I want him to be happy too, but that I really don't think he will find it this way. He asked why I think that?
I told him that of course things are good now, all you guys do is have fun, fun, fun. If money was no object for us, and we had no responsibilities we would be the happiest couple in the world. But that isn't reality. You don't have to deal with any stress with her.
I also told him that his R with OW is based on a lie (he told me that himself), and that he is continuing to lie to her about us, what kind of R is that? He looked surprised and then said I was right.
Then I said what will happen to them when she finds out he has been lying the whole time? He asked me if I was going to call her and tell her? I said no, but she will find out from your family or if she asks me, unless you plan on hiding her away for the rest of her life. Don't you think she deserves to know the truth, to know what the real situation is? He got sad and said he really screwed everything up.
I just hugged him and told him that what really frustrates me is that NOW we both know what went wrong in our R, what mistakes we both made, and how to fix them. I know that if we were to try again we could be as happy as we were at the beginning, only better because we know and understand each other's needs much better now. But now there is this other person involved. He said 'I know, that's exactly the problem'.
What does he mean?? He agrees that we are both to blame for our R problems, He agrees that he is at fault for being with OW. He is sorry for hurting me, agrees that we understand each other etc...wishes that none of this happened.. BUT then says that there is someone else now, what can he do? This is where we get stuck in our R conversations.
Does he mean that it is too late for us? (too much damage)
Does he mean he doesn't want to let her go, that he loves her too much?
Does he mean that he wants to be with me but feels obligated to her?
I am at a loss as to what to say to him when he says "there is someone else now, what I am supposed to do?"
What should I say? should I question what he means by that? I don't want to assume what he means cause then I could backslide.
He told me that we shouldn't kiss, ML anymore or hug etc... He said that it just makes me stay in love with him. I asked him why he still does those things with me. He said he likes to ML with me, and that he wants to comfort me cause I am hurting. I said 'are you sure that you just do these things for me?' he didn't answer.
Then I told him that I was going to sleep and I would talk to him in the morning, he stopped me, came to the room and we ML. Then he hugged me and we went to sleep. So less than 5 minutes after he says we should stop acting like a couple, he does the opposite....
I feel better about us cause I think he actually heard what I have been trying to tell him about our R and his R with OW. I feel better cause he really wanted to know how I feel, and he was more open with his fears and thoughts as well. I feel better cause he agreed with me about a lot of things in our sitch. HOWEVER, I am very discouraged because I thought that once he actually listened and agreed with me, that he would maybe give some sign of ending things with OW or at least admit that divorce wasn't the only path we would take. Instead he is still telling me to move on with my life, not to wait for him.... (I told him I am not, but really I am not looking for anyone else cause I still love him...)
I know he is going with her tonight. I hope they get in a fight again....
Quote: He made a rude comment and I replied for him to ask his whore. He then told me that OW is not a whore, and not to call her names or judge her cause I don't know her. I flipped. I told him that I am his wife and that him and OW have things backwards. She knew you were married that's enough, then I told him he was right I shouldn't judge her, that God would be her judge.
I left for a cigarette. How dare he tell me not to think of her as a slut!! What does he expect? that I would think she is a good person? whatever. I try not to call her names or mention her cause I know it's bad d'bing, but he is one who brought her up.
Don't beat yourslef up to bad over a little slip up. Youo are only human and it is hard not to feel what you are feeling. When I am feeling low I can't help but think of the Ow as H's whore. But if you think it try not to speak it. It will help in the long run.
Quote: He asked if I would be mad at him and OW if we got divorced? I told him that if we end up divorced because of OW, I will never forgive him or be his friend. He asked what if we just get divorced cause of us? I said that if the 2 of us decided to try to be a couple again and things didn't work out, then I wouldn't be mad because at least I would know that we tried and did everything we could to save our marriage. He was quiet.
Maybe that bit of info. will get H to think. I don't know if all the R talks are following DB but that is just a guide line. You are doing a great job at anwser H questions thruthfuly and not placing blame. Keep up the great work.
Quote: Does he mean that it is too late for us? (too much damage) Does he mean he doesn't want to let her go, that he loves her too much? Does he mean that he wants to be with me but feels obligated to her?
I am at a loss as to what to say to him when he says "there is someone else now, what I am supposed to do?"
What should I say? should I question what he means by that? I don't want to assume what he means cause then I could backslide.
Try not to read to much into your talks. Reading between the lines is something that no one needs to do. And try not to assume anything as a friend use to say when you assume something you make an a@@ out of u and me. (that is how I learned to spell the word corrcetly and learned to try and stop assumeing things).
If it seems that H is asking for your help, tell him that he needs to answer the questions and go form there. But if it seems that he askes as in a retroicaly question, don't say anything and try not to read betwwen the lines.
Quote: Then I told him that I was going to sleep and I would talk to him in the morning, he stopped me, came to the room and we ML. Then he hugged me and we went to sleep. So less than 5 minutes after he says we should stop acting like a couple, he does the opposite....
That must be very confusing and painful for you. (I mean painful as in not knowing WTH is going on and not knowing how tho act.) But look at it as a good sign that he is confused and still needs to be with and near you.
Quote: feel better about us cause I think he actually heard what I have been trying to tell him about our R and his R with OW. I feel better cause he really wanted to know how I feel, and he was more open with his fears and thoughts as well. I feel better cause he agreed with me about a lot of things in our sitch. HOWEVER, I am very discouraged because I thought that once he actually listened and agreed with me, that he would maybe give some sign of ending things with OW or at least admit that divorce wasn't the only path we would take. Instead he is still telling me to move on with my life, not to wait for him.... (I told him I am not, but really I am not looking for anyone else cause I still love him...)
Keep looking at what is making you feel postive. And try not to focus on the negtive. Try to rember the healing process happens very S L O W L Y. and the things that we wish would happen has to take time. And as long as you are really working on the marriage don't look for anyone else. Like you told H happniess comes form within. That is something everyone needs to hear at times.
Hiya, lurking here again... I am SO enjoying your thread LL and your comments Kat. You have both been so kind to respond to my "obvious" thread. I have no advice as I am so confused myself
I needed to read something here as mom (remember the controlling one I am staying with till Tues - been here for 2 mo) She does NOT want me to leave and has been playing sappy love songs!! Actually I am doing ok Thanks to you...
(karenp - I think you confused me with Lostlove, I hadn't responded to your posts before... but thanks for reading mine, the confusion is driving me crazy too)
Update - nothing spectacular, some improvements, some discouragement. On the weekend, he went out with her, then he called me and told me to pick up some beer for him cause he was going to stay home. I said okay, didn't pry as to why. Then he calls back a couple of hours later and says he is actually going to go drinking at a bar instead. (obviously with OW) - TOTALLY pissed me off. I didn't tell him off like I wanted to, I just said sure whatever. I think maybe he got in a fight with her, was going to come home, but then stayed with her.
The next day I went out, he came home earlier than usual, called me to see if I was coming home. I said yeah I'll be there in a bit. I took my time instead of rushing home. When I got there, he told me that he missed me. He said he feels really bad for me, that he goes out while I am alone. He said I need to find a 'boyfriend' so that I can be happy again. I again told him that I don't need someone to make me happy, and that I am not going to rush into anything.
He hugged me and then we ended up ML. He mentioned that the new medicine has really cut down on his sex drive.
He was fixing stuff in the backyard and I asked him why was he doing all this stuff considering our sitch? (meaning that we would have to sell the house if we split)
He looked sad and said that he figured we will be living here for a while anyways. I said yes, but I don't know if it's a good idea to invest money into the house. He looked at me and asked me if I still wanted us to try to be together again? I said of course I would love the chance to start over with you. He didn't respond.
He told me that he is not 'happy' anymore on the new meds.
I said that on the old meds he felt numb, emotionless, does he mean that he feels more emotion now with the new ones?
He said kind of, that he feels very anxious now, that he is more worried.
That night he told me that he was going to sleep on the couch, that we shouldn't ML anymore cause that just makes me stay in love with him. I said that is not why I love you, but okay. He started off on the couch but came to the room after an hour or so. Sometime during the middle of the night, he started kissing me and woke me up. We ended up ML again.
The next day, I asked him if I could go the gym with him on the guest pass. (he had suggested this before) He said sure. We went together and he started showing me all the different equipment and what exercises to do etc.. It was nice, and I think he was kind of excited to share this part of his world with me. He told me that if I want, I could get a membership and that he could be like my trainer. I told him I would think about it. I have decided to join, it will give us another connection besides our son. It is something he enjoys to do, it will help me lose weight and get in shape, and be another thing that OW is not a part of....
On monday night he mentioned that he was going to sleep on the couch, but in the end, didn't even bother going there.
He asked me why I go to the divorcebuster website? When am I going to accept it and let him go? I told him that I have already let him go, what did he think I was doing?
He said it was going to be hard for me if he moves out and doesn't sleep here anymore, that I am going to be sad. I told him that he already spends half the week sleeping somewhere else, that I am already dealing with that
sadness now. He just hugged me.
Yesterday after work, he asked me what did I think was going to happen to us? I said I don't know. He asked
if I thought we were going to get back together. I said
I don't think so, I think he is going to leave me.
He said he has already 'left me' now, but he means in the future. I told him I don't have any plans or anything, I asked him what he thinks will happen, he said he doesn't know either.
He got sad and told me that I shouldn't have let him fall out of love with me. I told him I know, that I am sorry.
I told him that I learned on this website that the reason some marriages get into trouble is because their emotional needs weren't being met. I told him that I didn't understand what his emotional needs were. I tried to make him happy based on MY needs, thinking that by doing things for him that bring ME happiness, he would realize how much I love him. But that I was wrong.
He asked me what did I think he needed from me. I told him a few of the needs in him that I recognize now, and the way I failed to meet them. I told him that we didn't communicate properly in the past. He hugged me. It was a good talk.
I got an upsetting call from my mother, she has extremely high blood pressure and the docs told her she is in danger of having a stroke. This is all out of the blue, my mom was very upset, thinks she is going to die. The doc told her to avoid stress as much as possible. GREAT!! I was thinking of telling my parents about my sitch in 1 month, after my bro's wedding. How can I tell her now? This will kill her (literally). My H seen I was upset and came over and comforted me. I told him that I can't tell my parents yet cause of my mom's health, he agreed.
He also talked about finances, says that he has no money, that he wants to pay off our debt asap. He said that he may get a part time job to get extra cash. (yeah, because he racked up the 1 credit card he has by going out with OW, and he spends his 2 week spending allowance in less then 2 days out with OW. I have always been in charge of money, I gave him a budget to follow and he is having problems keeping up...)
Well, I guess the expense of being in lala land is starting to become a problem!
Later when we went to sleep, he told me that he wishes he still loved me, I said me too. He asked me what I would do if we stopped ML for a few months - would I find another guy to do that with? I said no, that I am not like that, I don't need to go out looking for sex. He said okay.
(this is the third time he has talked about me having sex with someone else - he is constantly telling me to date someone else, not to wait for him, however he did tell me to let him know if I acutally had sex with another. Another time he mentioned that if I start dating someone, eventually they are going to want to sleep with me, what will I do?
Now he is asking me what I will do if we stop ML.)
I know my H, he is very jealous, it was actually a problem in the beginning of our R. I know that if I actually slept with someone else, our marriage would be over, he could never get over it (irony huh). I think although he is telling me to move on, he really is scared that I will, cause he knows that will be the end of us....
Well, he is going out with her tonight. I also just realized that our 3rd wedding anniv. is in 2 weeks, on the day of the week that he goes out with her. I wonder if he will remember? I wonder if he will still go with her?
I am not looking forward to it.
I think you are doing a great job hanging in the game. And dealing with some hell of tough R talks.
Quote: The next day I went out, he came home earlier than usual, called me to see if I was coming home. I said yeah I'll be there in a bit. I took my time instead of rushing home. When I got there, he told me that he missed me. He said he feels really bad for me, that he goes out while I am alone.
Is there something that both of you can do so that you don't have to stay home while he goes out. Maybe go with him (someplace that you know the Ow won't be) If you don't drink have a coke, maybe shoot some pool or something. Try to think of a few thing yall can do. Or places that yall can go to and have some fun. What would you do if you was dating him instead of being married.
Quote: He told me that he is not 'happy' anymore on the new meds. I said that on the old meds he felt numb, emotionless, does he mean that he feels more emotion now with the new ones? He said kind of, that he feels very anxious now, that he is more worried.
This may or may not be a good sign. That is something that needs to be checked. It may mean that the meds are working and with everything that is going on is makeing hime anxious. Or it may be a sign that the meds aren't working.
Quote: The next day, I asked him if I could go the gym with him on the guest pass. (he had suggested this before) He said sure. We went together and he started showing me all the different equipment and what exercises to do etc.. It was nice, and I think he was kind of excited to share this part of his world with me. He told me that if I want, I could get a membership and that he could be like my trainer. I told him I would think about it. I have decided to join, it will give us another connection besides our son. It is something he enjoys to do, it will help me lose weight and get in shape, and be another thing that OW is not a part of....
Hey that's great. It will do ya good to have something to do together. And you will have the added bouse of seatting a day or evening of the week to be with him and the Ow isn't in the pic. That is exactly what I was trying to suggest. If you find one thing that both of you can concet with and have fun. Maybe that will lead to spending more time with you and less with her.
Quote: got an upsetting call from my mother, she has extremely high blood pressure and the docs told her she is in danger of having a stroke. This is all out of the blue, my mom was very upset, thinks she is going to die. The doc told her to avoid stress as much as possible. GREAT!! I was thinking of telling my parents about my sitch in 1 month, after my bro's wedding. How can I tell her now? This will kill her (literally). My H seen I was upset and came over and comforted me. I told him that I can't tell my parents yet cause of my mom's health, he agreed.
(((Loveforever))) I hate to hear this about your mother. On top of what you are dealing with I know you don't need to be worrying about your mom. Maybe with the right meds and no stress about brother's wedding it will go down. I wished there was something I could say or do for you
Quote: .He also talked about finances, says that he has no money, that he wants to pay off our debt asap. He said that he may get a part time job to get extra cash. (yeah, because he racked up the 1 credit card he has by going out with OW, and he spends his 2 week spending allowance in less then 2 days out with OW. I have always been in charge of money, I gave him a budget to follow and he is having problems keeping up...) Well, I guess the expense of being in lala land is starting to become a problem!
Hey that may be a good thing for you. If the expense of the Ow gets to much it might tip the scale more in your fav.. If I was you I would keep the same budget you have already. If he feels like he needs a 2nd job, let him take it. He will see working 2 jobs and trying to live 2 lifes is not so easy. It might make hime think about what all you do and what she doesen't.
Quote: Later when we went to sleep, he told me that he wishes he still loved me, I said me too. He asked me what I would do if we stopped ML for a few months - would I find another guy to do that with? I said no, that I am not like that, I don't need to go out looking for sex. He said okay.
(this is the third time he has talked about me having sex with someone else - he is constantly telling me to date someone else, not to wait for him, however he did tell me to let him know if I acutally had sex with another. Another time he mentioned that if I start dating someone, eventually they are going to want to sleep with me, what will I do? Now he is asking me what I will do if we stop ML.)
Honey as much as the embresses me to say (Thank goodness for screen names and that you can't see how red my face is) But I will say it anyway. There or other ways to get your jollies with out a man. Maybe your H hasn't thought of it but people and I mean a lot of people have gone with out ML. Some people on this site have went years in their M without ML. I know this because I lurk on the the Sexual Issues and the Sex_straved Marriage fourms. I think in my case my H thought I wouldn't do anything about it. He knows how embressed I get about this stuff. But when I hit my point of being feed-up of doing with out. I decied that I would do something about it.I know that I had lasted 7 months with out my jollies. And you should have seen the look on H's face when I came home with my toy. You can tell your husband that there are women you stay in sexless marriages and still live. Going with out ML will not kill you. Makes you very witchy at times. And that there are women who don't need a man to make them happy (and I am not talking about needing other women ethier. I know that is what my H thought when I said that to him.) The hardest thing is finding a soultion to the proublem.
Quote: Well, he is going out with her tonight. I also just realized that our 3rd wedding anniv. is in 2 weeks, on the day of the week that he goes out with her. I wonder if he will remember? I wonder if he will still go with her? I am not looking forward to it.
I really wished that he would rember it. But What I would do is make alt. plans that is just for you in case he doesn't. Think of someplace close and affordable that you really been wantting to stay or go. Take a trip to a day spa or something. Ask yourself what is it that you have been wanting and get or do it. But please don't be like I was and stay home and obsse over it. Trust me on this it dosen't do any good.
Now that I have really gotten myself totaly embressed. I think it is time to go. Hope you are hanging in there.
thanks for the suggestion kitkat, hope you aren't too embarassed!! Anyways I know I could take care of things myself if I need to.(blush)
My H actually mentioned to me that it could be an option!! I didn't respond. My point is that he is scared I will turn to someone else for sex, even though he tells me to move on etc....
Well last night he told his mom he'd be home at 10:30. He called me at 12:30 and told me that he is too drunk to drive right no so he would be home later, I said okay bye.
I left for work early this morning. I don't know when or if he came home. I am not calling him, I'll wait for him to call me....
update - he just called me, he got to work a little late, I asked him why he keeps saying he is not going to do this anymore, but then does it anyway!! He said he is sorry, that he got drunk. I said so? you said you wouldn't drink.
He said sorry, then he suggested that we all go to a movie tonight (shrek). I said okay I'll check the showtimes.
When he does stuff like this, it makes me question my efforts to save this marriage. Do I want to be married to someone who is a drunk, irresponsible, and unreliable? Is this who he has become? Or is this just temporary result of our sitch? will he stay in lala land forever? Will my intelligent, responsible, unselfish husband ever resurface?
If not, then I am out of here.....my time is limited.....hope he sees the light soon....
I got over my embressment (what got me is having the guts to actuly send it know that anyone can read it. I guess working on my self is paying off atleast I am getting braver)
You might want to ask your mom if she has takeing any antiboic's (or new medince for any thing) My mom's blood pressure went sky high and her Petussim drop really low. Her PCP counldn't figure it out. Then when she saw one of the speclist she goes to for her asthime. He figured out that it was a side affect of some meds the ER put her on for a cold. It wouldn't hurt to check to see if that is the case. (I forgot it was something she never had a side affect with before. I think it was amoxilecn)
With him not getting to work on time just proves that he won't be able to get 2nd job without it infering with the Ow. So on that subject I would still let him do that.
Quote: When he does stuff like this, it makes me question my efforts to save this marriage. Do I want to be married to someone who is a drunk, irresponsible, and unreliable? Is this who he has become? Or is this just temporary result of our sitch? will he stay in lala land forever? Will my intelligent, responsible, unselfish husband ever resurface? If not, then I am out of here.....my time is limited.....hope he sees the light soon....
Has he done all this drinking before Ow. Could it be part of his depression (I kknow it is probly making depression worse, But it would do no good to try and get him to see this). Have yall tried going to a counsler, myabe a cousnler would be able to help with his depression better than a reg. doc.. If you can talk H into going to a cousnler make sure it is a pro marriage and soultion orantend thepsit.
I would go to the movie. Try your best to act as if. Try to be a famliy that is close going to see a movie. Picture what you would do if you arin't in this stich. and then do it. Even if you feel a little silly. Think positive and have the outlook that you will have a blast and make it happen. For the lenght of the movie don't think of anyhting but having fun with your famley.
I am so glad that some of the little things or showing up again. That has to be a great sign of a baby step. 
