Well, last night he was trying to goad me into an argument, he made some comments and was not very friendly. I didn't react at all. Part of me wanted to scream at him cause I didn't do anything from the time we talked in the morning until the evening. I did nothing to set him off, it wasn't fair.
But I know where it is coming from, he is still resentful of my past actions, he is also mad at me cause I have made all these changes AFTER we 'separated' instead of while we were together. I think he may be angry at himself too, cause he can't let go of me. I realize where his anger is coming from so I just validate and don't react. It worked.
He stopped being a jackass.
He was hugging and kissing me, then made the comment that if OW knew he was hugging me she would be mad. I had to bite my tongue from saying anything. He knew I wanted to comment, and even said, 'go on, say it'. I said no, I didn't want to say anything.
He asked me (again) why I have made all these changes now? I told him cause I was dumb and blind before. He said no, that it was his fault too cause he didn't communicate properly.
Later, he asked me if, after we are completely separated, if I would be uncomfortable running into him. I said I don't know, but I was upset. He asked me why am I upset? I said 'do you expect me to be happy about it?'. He said no, then he said this situation is making him nuts.
He went to take a shower, he asked me why I was sad, I said because it bothers me that he can talk about us being apart as if it doesn't matter. He said it does matter, but even though it makes me sad, that doesn't mean that it won't happen. I didn't say anything, then he asked me to take a shower with him, I said okay. He hugged me and told me that I can find another guy and be happy. I told him that I don't need a guy to make me happy, that happiness comes from within, that people just add to your own happiness. I told him that I know I could find a guy no problem, but that wouldn't make me feel any better about our sitch.
I told him that I am sorry for causing him any pain. And that I know he is still mad at me for the past. He said no, that he is not mad at me, that HE is the one who has gone and done THAT (meaning OW). He asked me if I still hate OW. I said yes, of course I do. She is the reason we are separated. He said that wasn't true. I said of course it is, she is NOT the reason we had problems in our marriage, but she IS the reason you wanted to separate from me, you told me that you needed to see if you could be happy with her otherwise you would always wonder what if.
He shut up cause he knew that it was true.
After he came to the room and we went to sleep. This morning he asked me if I was still sad. I said no.
He just called me at work just to say hi???
he used to call me all the time, but recently stopped.
I think that he feels guilty for lying to OW about our sitch. I think he feels he needs to sleep on the couch, not ML etc... to be 'true' to her and what he believes he 'feels'. I mean how can he be 'in love' with OW, but still be so attached to me? I think he is trying to convince himself, but it is not working.... yesterday he still asked me to shower with him, still slept in our room. This morning he called me at work.
Should I continue to be patient? I am getting scared because I think he may push for a real separation just so he doesn't have to lie to OW, and to convince himself that we are over. Should I tell him that he needs to be honest with OW, that he isn't being fair to either one of us, that she has a right to know what is going on, and what effect their A is having on our family?
(I think if she knew the absolute truth she would back off).
Or should I just continue to db and take care of myself, as he gets closer and closer to her????
