Dead man walking

[97Hope]

The waiting is awful. As I type that out I realize that I want to tell you not to look at is as waiting. My mom tells me 'live your life!' so instead of looking at the sitch as waiting, why not look at is as 'time to work on ourselves'. Do what we want, when we want?

I hope I don't sound insensitive, but I'm talking to myself here, too. I can easily get on that rollercoaster, but the cost is my emotional equilibrium and I've decided not to give that to him. So when I start spinning, I find something other to do. For me, praise and worship music helps. Comedies, walks, talking to the dog, driving out to watch my cows eat, anything but sit or pace. and dwell. and think. Doesn't help, usually hurts, and I turn into a ginormous ball of sad.

I'm happy for you that you got a kiss. Consider it a sweet gesture and nothing else. I got a hug and made myself not read anything into it. lol had to talk myself down the whole drive home. May or not mean anything, don't go there! (is what I tell me).